


The Torture of Small Talk

by aroseintheimpala



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Getting Back Together, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Reality, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-26 17:32:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6249064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroseintheimpala/pseuds/aroseintheimpala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year is 2014, and Dan Howell is a successful YouTuber living in London with his flatmate and best friend, Dodie Clark. He has his own show with BBC Radio 1, and his life seems to have fallen together perfectly. That is, until he unexpectedly runs into his ex-boyfriend, Phil Lester, whom he hasn't seen since they broke up in 2012. Dan finds his life being turned upside-down as he tries to figure out how and if he should let Phil back in it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_2014_

  


Dan all but stumbled through the door of Costa and cursed as he looked down at his ruined clothes. He had been on his way to the BBC to film a segment for the radio show later that day when the sky seemed to open up and it started pouring rain. It’s not like random rain showers were unusual for London, but Dan usually wasn’t caught outside in them. Normally he would have taken a cab and avoided any hassles altogether aside from the traffic. However, a frustrating series of events had transpired that morning to get him here, including him sleeping through his alarm, forgetting his keys on his first try at leaving the house, and then realising after he was already running way too late to go back a second time that he’d left his wallet in the jeans he’d worn the previous day, meaning he had no money and no oyster card. So he had accepted his fate and decided to just walk to the BBC as it wasn’t actually that far. He was halfway there when the rain hit. 

He pulled out his phone to check the time and cursed again as he realised there was no way he would make it to the BBC in time to film that segment even if he looked halfway like someone who should be on camera at all at the moment. 

He stared longingly at the coffee menu, regretting not having time for his usual morning cup. He didn’t have any money on him though due to the aforementioned wallet incident so he just sat down on a barstool near the door and busied himself calling his producer and apologising for his current predicament. She told him not to worry that they’d just use something else in that segment’s place instead, but he still felt worked up about the whole thing. He had been doing this for two years now. You would think he’d be a bit less shit at it than this.

He opened up his messages and sent Dodie a quick text mostly to complain but also to let her know he would be back soon as he now had a free afternoon until it was time to start setting up for the show. Dan had met Dodie at a youtube party not long after moving to London, and they hit it off right away. They were both new to the city and a little bit intimidated by the YouTube scene there. She was quick to make friends though and happy to drag Dan along with her despite his wallflower tendencies at any social gathering.

He had lived in a studio flat by himself at first, but it became obvious very quickly that he was not meant to live alone. He was losing his mind with all the silence. He needed someone to waffle at, and it didn’t hurt to have help paying the rent either. His and Dodie’s lease agreements were up around the same time, so it was an easy decision to just live together for the next year. 

Literally everyone shipped them, from the fans to Dan’s own mother. Dodie had been a very good friend to him since he moved, but that was it as far as they were both concerned. She didn’t ask him too many questions about Phil, like most other YouTubers did within five minutes of meeting him, and she was patient enough to wait out his occasional foul moods with little to no explanation. He loved her like a sister, and he was very grateful for the way she constantly put up with him and his bullshit. 

His phone buzzed, and he looked down to see her reply with a string of sad emojis and an offer to call an uber to bring him home. He grinned and was about to say thank you when he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

“Dan?” he heard someone ask.

He froze. That voice didn’t belong to just any someone. It was a voice he’d recognise anywhere and a voice he’d never really expected to hear saying his name again if he was being honest. He shut his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. It seemed this was really happening. He opened his eyes and turned around only to have his suspicions confirmed by the blue eyed man standing in front of him.

“Phil?”

 

_2012_

 

Dan had always associated breakups with dramatic fights and the slamming of doors. That was how his parents’ marriage had ended, and it was how his relationship with his last girlfriend had ended as well. It had been messy, abrupt, and loud. Things with Phil had never been that way though. They had a quiet understanding about most things, probably due to the fact that they were already similar in so many ways. They never really had big fights. If one of them was mad, they’d sulk about it in their own rooms for awhile until they were ready to talk through it. He’d gotten used to this calmer way of dealing with things over the last three years.

Maybe that’s why he wasn’t really surprised when Phil said, “I think we should take a break,” over cereal and anime on a quiet afternoon in their Manchester flat. 

Dan shifted his gaze from the television to Phil in half a second, studying his face to try and figure out if he really meant what he was saying. Dan already knew he did though. The words had been hanging above their heads for weeks just waiting for one of them to find the courage to bring them crashing down. 

Even though it wasn’t loud or messy, the fighting had been non-stop for awhile. It was always one thing or another. Someone didn’t do the dishes, someone (Phil) ate all of someone’s (Dan’s) cereal and never replaced it, and the list went on. The petty grievances were forgivable, of course, but they didn’t stay petty for long. 

The tension carried over into bigger grievances like how Dan couldn’t ignore the fans’ speculation about them and was constantly stressed about it. They were both growing tired of hiding their relationship, and there were only so many times you could publicly deny something’s existence before you somehow started to think that way when you were alone too. They had grown incredibly distant and irritable with one another, and it was all becoming too much. So yeah, Dan had known this was coming.

“Yeah, me too,” he had replied.

Phil looked him in the eyes then, and Dan could see that his blue irises were red-rimmed and blurry from the pools of unshed tears threatening to fall. Despite what was happening in that moment, Dan couldn’t help but reach out to Phil. He opened his arms, and Phil fell into them. He began to sob into the shoulder of Dan’s red Manchester University hoodie, and Dan fisted his hands into Phil’s t-shirt.

“How did we even get here?” Phil asked in a voice muffled by Dan’s hoodie.

Dan didn’t know how to answer him. He honestly never thought it would be possible for them to end up so broken like this. They were Dan and Phil. They were so perfect for each other it honestly didn’t seem like it could be real at times. Clearly it was though, and reality was far from perfect. They were subject to all of the same problems every other couple dealt with, and it was currently tearing them apart. 

He dropped his head onto the side of Phil’s and sighed as the tears began to gather in his own eyes.

“I don’t think it’s gonna be forever,” he mumbled into Phil’s hair.

Phil leaned back and studied Dan’s face for a moment before nodding and dragging his hands under his eyes to wipe away the tears that were still staining his pale skin. Dan reached forward and wiped away a stray one that he’d missed.

“You know I still love you, right?” Phil asked. 

His voice was small and so unsure, and it absolutely tore Dan’s heart to shreds. Dan nodded his head and reached out again to rest his hand on Phil’s cheek.

“I still love you too. I guess sometimes that isn’t enough though,” he replied sadly.

His hand dropped back into his own lap. Phil looked utterly heartbroken in that moment, and Dan was sure he looked exactly the same. They sat there for a few more seconds, neither of them wanting to be the first to walk away and make it real. It may have been creeping up on them for awhile, but now it was here. This was final.

Phil broke first. That’s how it usually went in their relationship anyways. Dan was never the first to pull away from a hug or to get out of bed when they were cuddling on a lazy morning. He always wanted all of whatever Phil would give him, so it made sense that he’d be the one to savour every fleeting second of that last moment when they were ‘them.’ 

One of them had to be the one to walk away though, and as he was historically the stronger one between them, it was Phil. He picked up his cereal bowl and walked into the kitchen. Dan heard him place it in the dishwasher and pause for a moment. He held his breath, waiting to see if Phil was going to come back into the lounge. He felt like there was so much more that needed to be said, but he wasn’t sure if there was any point in saying it. They weren’t okay, and both of them knew it. After seven long seconds, Phil walked away and shut his bedroom door. 

Dan knew Phil wouldn’t be coming back out, so he let his walls fall then and felt his own tears start to flow freely. He stayed there on their sofa until he’d cried himself out. He knew Phil was doing the same thing behind his bedroom door. It was so unfair that the one person they both wanted the most was one wall away, but they couldn’t be there for each other. Not this time.

Dan fell asleep on the sofa as it got dark outside. He hadn’t bothered to get up and turn on a light, so the room had gotten dark around him. He woke up when the first sound in hours rang through the flat. Phil’s bedroom door shut with a heavy click as the metal bolt slid into place, and he shuffled around a bit until he was standing behind the couch where Dan was pretending to still be asleep.

“Dan, I know you’re awake,” Phil said softly.

Dan thought about pretending not to hear him, but it really would have been pointless. Phil knew him better than that. So he sat up and looked behind him to see Phil holding a large suitcase. He felt his heart drop to his stomach.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

Phil shifted his weight from one foot to the other and chewed on his lower lip. 

“I’m going to stay with my parents for awhile,” he finally answered. 

Dan wanted to protest. He wanted to put up a fight. He had never been a violent person, but he suddenly wanted to pick up the vase sitting on the table behind the couch and throw it against the wall so that he could watch it fall to pieces. He wanted to beg Phil not to leave him all alone with this pain. He knew he couldn’t though. It was a sign of his own toxic codependency that the only person he wanted to be there for him was Phil even though Phil was the last person he needed to be near. 

The silent battle raged on in his mind as Phil stared out the window tiredly. He seemed to be waiting for Dan to reply, or maybe he just didn’t want to leave either. Finally, Dan broke the silence.

“For how long?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Phil answered honestly. He seemed to weigh his next words carefully, “but I think I need some time away from you.”

The words pierced through Dan like a knife, but he couldn’t find it within himself to disagree. It wasn’t like he wanted to live with the constant reminder that the best days of his life were over. It was the same old routine though. He would never be the one to let Phil go first. So Phil was here with his suitcase doing it for him again.

“Okay,” was all he said. 

Phil looked down at the floor and mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

Dan cleared his throat, “Me too, Phil.”

Even though there was everything left to say, neither of them could find it within themselves to say anything else after that. Phil left, and Dan cried himself to sleep.

Phil never came back though, except to get the rest of his things. He moved into a new flat on his own in Manchester, and so did Dan. He couldn’t bear to live in their old flat alone. It was too big and too quiet. He only stayed in Manchester until the end of his second year at university, and then he dropped out. He had poured his heart and soul into YouTube to fill the space Phil’s absence had left, and his hard work was paying off. He was quickly approaching the one million subscriber mark. It had been three months since Phil left, and the break had become less of a break and more of a way of life.

They had been so stressed trying to hold their relationship together that they were both just really tired by the end of it. That had been why they’d broken up, at least from Dan’s perspective. They had just needed some time apart to sort out their feelings, and then they would talk it through and be fine again. 

That wasn’t how it played out though. The silence stretched out for days and then weeks. Weeks soon became months, and Dan found that he could sleep without nightmares for the most part now so he figured he was adjusting. He still missed Phil all the time. He picked up his phone to text him almost daily before remembering to stop himself. Honestly, he wasn’t sure why he was stopping himself. It wasn’t like they had ever planned on being apart for that long. Maybe he was just too stubborn to be the first one to come crawling back. Phil had been the one to leave in the first place, so it wouldn’t hurt him to be the first one to make a move.

However, neither of them made that move until Dan got a job offer in June with BBC Radio 1. The first person he wanted to tell, of course, had been Phil. He stopped himself again from calling him with the news. However, he knew he couldn’t move to London without so much as a conversation, so he texted Phil a week before he was set to leave and asked if they could meet. Phil took six hours to respond, but he finally replied that he could meet Dan at Starbucks the following day.

To say Dan was nervous was an understatement. What does one even wear to tell their ex-boyfriend they’re moving to London?! He tore his wardrobe apart before finally settling on a dark grey jumper with a black skull on the front and his usual black skinny jeans. He straightened his hair, and sprayed on the cologne Phil had gotten him for Christmas. He was as ready as he was ever going to be.

It wasn’t until Phil had reacted excitedly to Dan’s news that Dan realised he had come with the expectation of Phil talking him out of leaving. The meeting had been awkward at first. Phil showed up in a dark blue t-shirt and tight skinny jeans, and he looked good. He looked like he had lost a bit of weight since the last time Dan had seen him, but he still looked just as amazing. 

They found a table in the back of the coffee shop and exchanged small talk. Phil congratulated Dan on how fast his channel had been growing. Dan found out Phil had been working on a short film with PJ. They had both somehow found a life outside of each other, and Dan wasn’t sure how good that made him feel.

After they ran out of things to catch up on, they sat in silence. It wasn’t exactly awkward, but it was definitely filled with words left unsaid. Dan fiddled with the brown cardboard around his cup, twisting it counter-clockwise over and over again. His heart was racing with the need to just spit it out already. He opened his mouth to speak, but Phil started to speak at the same time. 

“I-”

“So-”

They both stopped and then laughed nervously. It was ridiculous how in sync they still were. Phil sat his drink down on the table between them. 

“You first,” he said.

Dan cleared his throat and took a deep breath. 

“I got a job offer from the BBC.”

Phil leaned forward then, his face lighting up. 

“What?! That’s incredible, Dan!” he nearly shouted.

“Shh,” Dan giggled. “Not all of Starbucks needs to know just yet!”

Phil covered his mouth even though he was still grinning.

“Sorry,” he said more quietly. 

He pulled his hand away and took another sip of his coffee. “So what are you doing?”

Dan scratched the back of his neck. This is where things got tricky.

“Well, it’s actually with Radio 1. They want to give me my own weekly radio show.”

“That’s so cool!” Phil enthused, “I’m so happy for you! But how is that going to work with you living here? Isn’t Radio 1 in London?”

Dan directed his attention to his coffee cup again. “Yeah, it is. I’m moving to London next Thursday.”

“Oh,” Phil replied. He leaned back in his seat, and Dan watched carefully as the weight of his words actually sunk in. A lot of emotions danced across Phil’s face in a matter of seconds, but he was always better at hiding his feelings than Dan was. Before Dan knew what hit him, Phil was around the table and hugging him. Dan awkwardly placed his arms on Phil’s back. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Phil mumbled next to his ear. “You’re going to be amazing.”

Dan was surprised to find that his first response to Phil’s enthusiasm was disappointment. He knew it was irrational, so he shoved that flash of emotion away quickly. This was Phil. Of course he was going to be happy for Dan. Of course they still wanted the very best for each other. It was ridiculous to think Phil would react in any other way.

Phil pulled back from the embrace, and cleared his throat. 

“Sorry,” he said. “I guess I just got excited.”

“It’s fine,” Dan smiled softly.

Phil sat back down across from him, and Dan remembered that Phil had been about to speak too.

“So what were you going to say?” he asked.

Phil shrugged and said, “It wasn’t important. Your news is more exciting anyway!”

Dan watched him skeptically. His behaviour completely negated everything he was saying. Phil was looking out the window and biting his bottom lip. He was twisting his hands on the table in front of him. Dan would also bet that his knee was shaking under the table. He knew every one of Phil’s nervous habits, and right now Phil was a nervous wreck. He reached out and stilled Phil’s hands by taking them in one of his own.

“Hey,” he said softly. “Look at me.”

Phil exhaled and turned to look at him. Dan wasn’t planning on saying what he said next, but it just kind of came out.

“I still love you.”

His heart stopped once the words left his mouth, but he couldn’t find it within himself to regret them. He needed this conversation to happen if he were going to be able to pick up his life and move it across the country from Phil’s. He had to know if there was any reason at all to reconsider.

Phil looked just as shocked as Dan was for a few seconds, but then he said the very last thing Dan ever expected to hear.

“I don’t love you anymore.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad you guys are excited about this fic too!! :)

_2014_

Shock. Disbelief. Maybe even a little horror. A lot of emotions coursed through Dan in a matter of seconds. He literally had no idea what to do or say, but thankfully Phil didn’t wait for the full blown crisis to start. He pointed at the chair next to Dan and asked, “Mind if I sit?”

Still a little loss for words, Dan just nodded in response. He felt his phone buzz again, but he locked the screen and slipped it into his pocket. He’d feel bad about ignoring Dodie later, but surely she’d understand when he told her he ran into Phil fucking Lester in a coffee shop in the middle of Soho.

“So, this is a surprise,” Phil laughed nervously.

“You’re telling me,” Dan replied. 

He turned to face Phil properly and took in his appearance for the first time during this bizarre exchange. Phil looked different in a good way. His hair was shorter and shaved on the sides. His face was slimmer and his cheekbones more prominent. Of course he had somehow gotten even more attractive over the last two years.

“So if you don’t mind me asking, what exactly are you doing here?” Dan asked.

“I just moved here, actually,” Phil said. 

That took Dan aback. Gossip spread like wildfire throughout the YouTube community, and he was sure he would have heard about something of this magnitude pretty quickly, if only because some thirsty youtuber wanted to get his attention by bringing up Phil. Phil was very well-known in the community in his own right. His channel had also taken off not long after Dan’s, and despite them cutting ties completely on and offline, they still shared a big portion of their audiences. 

There had been a lot of speculation and general chaos amongst his subscribers when Dan had announced he had moved to London alone. He and Phil formed an unspoken mutual agreement to never publicly acknowledge it, and now after two years, very few people remained loyal to the cause of shipping them. Dan was grateful that he could check twitter these days without seeing Phil’s name everywhere. 

This was big news though. How had he managed to avoid something like this?!

“Really? Since when?” he asked maybe a little too curtly.

“Last month, actually,” Phil replied. “I haven’t tweeted about it or talked about it on my channel yet. I had a few videos left I’d filmed in Manchester so I guess the fans haven’t figured out I’m not there anymore.”

Dan scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. He asked, “Why all the secrecy?”

Phil shrugged. He said, “No reason, really. I just wanted time to settle in, I guess.”

“Right,” Dan said. “So how are you liking it so far?”

“I love it!” Phil replied. “It’s a bit of an adjustment, but it’s been really great so far.”

This level of small talk was actually excruciating, but Dan was at a loss for what exactly he should be doing in this scenario. Most of him wanted to leave right now, despite the rain, and run the whole way home, but he was still too shocked to move. The whole situation was like a bizarre hallucination designed specifically to torture him. 

“Dan? Are you okay?” Phil asked.

Apparently his internal freak out hadn’t been so internal after all because Phil was staring at him with a worried look on his face.

“Uh, yeah,” he stuttered. He shook his head and turned to face Phil. “I’m sorry, but this is just really fucking weird. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” Phil said, looking down at the table. “It’s weird for me too. I knew I’d run into you eventually with YouTube and everything, but I didn’t expect it to be on my morning coffee run.”

Dan laughed. He said, “Well, that makes two of us.”

“Do you live nearby?” Phil asked.

“Not really. I was actually on my way to the BBC, but I got caught in the rain. Long story short, I forgot my wallet, ruined my clothes and the entire segment I was supposed to film this morning, and I was about to take an uber home when you showed up,” Dan explained.

“Oh wow. Sounds like you’ve had quite the morning already,” Phil said.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Dan huffed as he looked down at his now drying clothes.

Phil considered him for a second then asked, “Would you want to come back to mine for a bit? You can at least have a cup of tea and get dried off since it’s stopped raining now.”

Dan looked out the window. He hadn’t even noticed it had stopped raining. He looked back to Phil’s waiting expression. He knew saying yes would be a bad idea for about a million reasons, but apparently some part of him was harbouring masochistic tendencies because he found himself nodding his head.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” he said.

Phil’s flat looked like you would expect someone’s house to look after they had just moved in. Boxes still littered counter tops and lined the walls in some places, but there was something about it all that was undeniably Phil. Colorful plushies sat atop bookshelves and kitchen appliances. There was an Avengers poster on the wall. A giant houseplant sat in the corner of the lounge. Dan chuckled at that. Leave it to Phil to buy a house plant before unpacking his toaster. 

He followed Phil into the kitchen and leaned against the counter as Phil filled up the kettle and switched it on.

“Do you want to borrow some dry clothes to change into?” Phil asked while reaching for a mug.

It wouldn’t be the first time Dan had worn Phil’s clothes, but there was something much more intimate about it when he considered borrowing clothes from his ex-boyfriend whom he hadn’t seen in two years. Yeah, too weird.

“No, that’s okay. I think mine are almost dry anyways,” he said.

Phil leaned against the counter next to him. There was at least a foot of counter space between them, but Dan still felt like his skin was on fire. He stared at the kitchen tiles and listened to the kettle sputter behind them. He was starting to wonder why he came. This whole thing was incredibly awkward. He didn’t even know what he’d hoped to get out of it except maybe some explanation for what Phil was suddenly doing here. 

When the kettle went off, Dan jumped. Phil laughed as he turned around to pour two cups of boiling water over the waiting tea bags. “Someone’s a little jumpy today,” he said.

Dan watched as he stirred two sugars into each cup with a bit of milk in his own, remembering exactly how Dan liked his tea. When he was finished, he picked up the steaming cup and handed it to Dan who was still staring at him like he had seen a ghost. It wasn’t far from how he actually felt, to be fair.

Phil led them to the lounge and moved a crumpled pile of newspaper from the other end of the sofa to make room for Dan to sit. 

“Sorry the place is a mess,” Phil said.

Dan’s eyes scanned the room again before turning back to face Phil.

“Nah,” he said. “It’s not that bad. You’ve seen how my room can get, and that’s without the excuse of having just moved in.”

They both laughed at that. Phil was no stranger to walking into Dan’s room only to be greeted by a mountain of laundry covering the floor.

“Good to know not too much has changed then,” Phil smiled.

Dan picked up his tea and took a cautious sip of the hot liquid instead of replying. He knew it was a lighthearted comment, but it struck something within him. He wasn’t sure if Phil was right. It felt like a lot had changed. He couldn’t pinpoint when it had happened, but he wasn’t the insecure boy he’d once been. He had grown up at some point in the last two years, and he had done it without Phil. He felt weird about it suddenly. 

Needing to change the subject, he set his tea down on the coffee table and asked, “So what made you move down here anyway? I thought you were too northern for the big city.”

“I’m not too northern!” Phil protested.

Dan grinned, “That accent says otherwise.”

“I can’t help how I talk!” Phil pouted.

“It’ll probably fade,” Dan said. “Most people start sounding southern after they’ve lived here for awhile.”

Phil took a sip of tea. He said, “Good. Maybe then people will stop asking me to repeat myself in the shops. I swear you would think I was speaking a foreign language with some of the looks I get.”

Dan laughed. “Back to the subject, you never answered my question,” he pointed out.

“Right,” Phil said. “Well, mostly I moved for work. YouTube has been going well, but I’ve really enjoyed the other things I’ve been doing on the side too, like working on short films for Peej. I thought with so many studios and media centers, London was probably the best place to find more opportunities. Besides, it’s where the YouTube Space is too.”

“Makes sense,” Dan said. 

He wasn’t really sure what else he had expected from that answer. It wasn’t like Phil had to have an ulterior motive to move to one of the biggest cities in the world. Dan was hardly the only person among the millions who called London home.

“What are you thinking?” Phil asked, interrupting his train of thought.

“Hm?” he looked up.

“You still think really loudly,” Phil explained, his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth as he grinned.

“Sorry,” Dan said with a shy grin. What was it about Phil that made him feel eighteen years old all over again? He was a grown man, for Christ’s sake. 

“I was just wondering if you were ever planning on telling me you were here,” he explained honestly. “I mean, if I hadn’t run into you like this.”

Phil exhaled and reached for his tea to take another sip. He thought for a moment.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I’ve thought about it a thousand times, but I just kept putting it off until things were a little more settled. Like I said, I knew we’d run into each other eventually. I guess I just wasn’t sure you’d want to see me.”

He stared down into his tea, studiously avoiding Dan’s stare. Dan couldn’t really blame him for reaching that conclusion. He honestly didn’t know how he would have reacted to Phil calling him up out of the blue. Maybe he wouldn’t have wanted to see him if he’d had time to think about it. He was here though, and he wasn’t regretting it so far. So that was good, he supposed.

“Well, I’m glad I ran into you,” he said.

Phil looked up at him and smiled, the relief clear on his face. He said, “Me too.”

Dan’s phone buzzed in his pocket then and kept going off, indicating someone was actually calling him. He groaned and shot Phil an apologetic look before pulling it out. He flinched when he saw that it was Dodie calling. She was absolutely going to kill him for ignoring her for the last hour. He answered the call and braced himself.

“Hello?”

“Daniel James Howell! Where have you been?! I’ve been trying to reach you for ages! You can’t just tell me you’re trapped in Soho with no wallet and then disappear without an explanation!”

She sounded genuinely worried, which made him feel incredibly guilty. He really caused her too much anxiety on a nearly daily basis.

“I’m so sorry, Dodie,” he said. “I-”

She scoffed, “Yeah, you better be sorry. I’ve been worried sick!”

He laughed. “Really, I meant to text you and let you know I’d be awhile but I forgot. I, uh, ran into an old friend.”

He looked over at Phil, who was picking at a piece of string on the end of his sofa.

“Oh okay,” she said. “Who did you run into?”

“I’ll tell you later,” he said.

“You’re being weird,” she pointed out skeptically. “Are you being held against your will? Should I call 999?”

Dan actually laughed out loud at that. “No, I’ve not been kidnapped, you spork! I’m literally just drinking tea and catching up with a friend. Jesus, you worry too much.”

“Fine,” she said, still sounding unsure of his vague answer. “But we’re talking about this later.”

“Sure,” he said. “I’m going to go now though and stop being antisocial if you don’t mind.”

“You? Stop being antisocial? That’s a new one.”

“Dodie.”

“Fine,” she sighed dramatically. “See you later. Bye.”

“Bye.”

He shook his head and laughed to himself while putting his phone back into his pocket.

“Sorry,” he said to Phil. “That was my flatmate wondering if I was still alive.”

“Dodie Clark?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Dan said. “You know her?”

He figured Phil at least knew her from YouTube. Her channel was pretty big too, after all, and she was growing fast.

“Yeah, it’s kind of hard to miss all the Dandie shipping on the internet,” Phil laughed sheepishly.

“Oh god,” Dan covered his face. “You’re telling me. They’ve calmed down a bit now, but it was ridiculous when we first moved in together.”

Phil nodded, but he wasn’t smiling anymore. He was looking down at the floor thoughtfully. He began, “So are you…?

“Dating Dodie?” Dan finished for him.

Phil nodded.

“Oh, God no,” Dan said quickly. “She’s great, but she’s like my little sister.”

Phil relaxed his shoulders then and picked up his tea.

“I’m not seeing anyone,” Dan added unnecessarily. “I mean, I haven’t really seen anyone since…”

He trailed off at the end of his sentence, not really wanting to bring up the past when things had been going well so far. He wasn’t sure why he was telling Phil that in the first place. It just seemed important.

“Yeah, me neither,” Phil said.

That admission did make Dan feel better for some reason. At least if he hadn’t moved on, then Phil hadn’t either. The thought filled him with all kinds of emotions he wasn’t sure what to do with. 

Phil ended this, his brain screamed at him. He said he didn’t love you anymore.

Dan suddenly began to feel very uneasy as the weight of the whole situation he was currently in hit him all at once. He couldn’t deal with this right now. He had a radio show to do tonight and a life to live. He had to get out so he had time to process this and figure out how he felt. He sat down his tea and started to stand.

“I, uh, should probably get going,” he mumbled rather inarticulately for his usual speech. “I have to prepare for the show tonight.”

Phil looked a little disappointed at Dan’s sudden disruption, but he didn’t comment on it. Dan thanked any deities listening that Phil knew when not to push him. He stood up and followed as Dan made his way to the door.

“Could I get your number, maybe?” Phil asked. “It would be nice to have someone I know here in the city.”

His explanation was logical enough, but Dan couldn’t help but notice how it sounded like Phil was asking him on a first date or something. He figured he wouldn’t be able to avoid Phil now though, even if he wanted to, so he nodded and handed Phil his phone. Phil hurriedly typed in his phone number for Dan to save.

“Text me?” He asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Dan nodded.

They hovered by the door for a moment before Phil reached out and wrapped his arms around Dan’s shoulders. Dan froze with his arms at his sides for a beat too long, but he tentatively reached up to embrace Phil too right before he pulled away. It had been a bit too awkward and too long of a hug to be mistaken for casual, but it was nice. Dan gulped nervously.  
“Sorry,” Phil apologised. “It’s just really good to see you.”

“You too,” Dan smiled and answered honestly.

In the true style of London’s temperamental spring weather, the sun was now shining, so he decided to walk home thinking that he could use the fresh air. All he could think the whole way back to his flat was that he was so, so fucked.


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m home!” Dan called through the flat as he opened the door. 

“Hey!” Dodie called from somewhere in the back of the house.

He threw his keys onto the kitchen table and opened his laptop he’d left sitting there this morning in his rush. He still needed to send in his setlist for the radio show tonight for approval before 3pm, which meant he had approximately two hours to go through it and make sure he was satisfied. He didn’t even want to think about his inbox full of unread emails that would require his attention once that was finished. For someone who mostly worked from home and appeared to have it easy, he felt like he was endlessly busy.

He still needed an extra song or two for backup in case the callers didn’t take up enough air time, so he sent out a quick tweet asking if anyone had requests. The replies started pouring in within seconds. He scrolled through his mentions, laughing because most of them were Fall Out Boy, as usual. It was sort of an inside joke at this point between him and his audience that they would always request too much Fall Out Boy. He took down a few suggestions, including My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark. He was still a bit of an FOB fanboy too, if he was honest with himself.

Dodie wandered into the kitchen just as he hit send on the final setlist and sat down across from him at the small dining room table.

“Hey,” she said.

He looked up and smiled. “Hey yourself,” he said. “Finish filming?”

“Yep,” she answered. “It’s not much, but it’s something at least. That’s the spirit of vedim after all.”

“True,” he said, “but I’m sure it’s still great.”

“Thanks,” she smiled.

She got up and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and passed one to Dan too.

He nodded his thanks and took a sip before closing his laptop and meeting her waiting gaze. He was sure she came in here to talk about more than just her new video so he waited patiently for her to crack. It didn’t take long as she set her water bottle down and said, “So, you ran into someone earlier?”

“Yeah, it was really unexpected. I had ducked into that Costa to get out of the rain and was just about to text you back when I heard someone say my name.” He explained.

He may have been intentionally leaving her hanging a little bit because he loved winding her up. It was working too because her eyebrows were knitted together impatiently.

“And?” She asked, splaying out her hands on the wooden table. “They must have been pretty bloody important for you to completely ignore your best friend’s text messages!”

He laughed and apologised again.

“I said I was sorry for that! Anyway, it was kind of important,” he explained. “It was Phil.”

Dodie’s mouth fell open, and she stared at him with wide eyes.

“Phil Lester?”

“The one and only.”

“No way,” she gasped.

“Yes way,” Dan said. “Believe me, I was shocked too.”

“Well what happened?!” She sputtered. “You were gone for quite awhile! Did you two talk? What was he doing there?!”

“Well, after I picked my jaw up off the floor, we went back to his place to catch up,” Dan explained. “Turns out he just moved to London last month.”

“Oh wow,” Dodie said. “How do you feel about that?”

Dan shrugged. “Not much I can do about it,” he said. “It’s not like I can tell him to get out of my city.”

He laughed at his own joke, but Dodie was giving him a sympathetic smile. He kind of hated her for being so perceptive.

“Are you going to see him again?” She asked.  
Dan looked down at his water bottle and watched the little air bubbles settle at the top. He supposed he would see Phil again whether he wanted to or not considering how small the London YouTube community was, but that wasn’t really what she was asking and he knew it.

“I don’t know,” he said. “He gave me his number so I could text him, so I guess he thinks we’ll be hanging out again.”

“And have you texted him?” She asked.

“No,” he said. 

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to just yet. He could still choose to act like it never happened, ignore Phil, and have the most awkward relationship with another youtuber in the history of YouTube from this point on. He knew that wasn’t an option though. He wouldn’t be able to stand it. He’d leave London and move to LA before he’d put himself through that hell. Could he handle the alternative though? Trying to be friends with Phil? Honestly that option seemed pretty impossible too.

Dodie interrupted his thoughts, “Well, for what it’s worth, I think you should do it. I think it could be good for you.”

“You really think so?” Dan asked.

“I do,” she replied. “I know you don’t like to talk about your past, but I’ve watched your old videos, you know. You guys were really happy. I love you, but I haven’t seen you that happy the whole time I’ve known you.”

“Wow, stalker, much?” Dan asked teasingly.

She gasped and punched his shoulder across the table. “Shut up! You’re so full of yourself.”

They both laughed before she continued more seriously, “I just think that if you could even gain back a bit of that friendship that was once there, you would feel a little more like yourself again, you know?”

Dan nodded and exhaled a deep breath. She was right. Phil had once been the most important person in his life, and that wasn’t something he could just forget. He would never forgive himself if he let him go a second time. 

He smiled at his flatmate fondly. “Thanks, Dodie.”

“You’re welcome,” she replied. “Now text that boy, and get ready for the radio show! I’ve got a video to edit.”

“Yes, ma’am!” He saluted her jokingly as she left the room and ventured back to her own room to get to work. 

He pulled out his cell phone and opened up Phil’s contact name. Before he could back out, he started a new text conversation and typed, “hey, it’s dan. it was nice to see you today. if you ever wanna hang out again sometime, let me know x”

He read over the message again and deleted the ‘x’ at the end. That seemed a little too friendly for an ex you literally just started talking to again. He hit send quickly, then locked his phone. Before he could throw it across the room and regret everything though, Phil texted back in less than a minute. 

“I’d love to. Thanks for texting me! :) Can’t wait to watch the radio show tonight! x”

Dan smiled. Phil’s texting style hadn’t changed a bit. He typed back, “oh god, please don’t watch. it’s always such a mess.”

Phil started typing right away. 

“No, it’s not. I’ve watched before. You’re always great. Any spoilers for tonight?”

Dan replied, “more fob because my audience is full of giant memes”

Phil typed back, “You love it though, I can tell :p”

Dan looked at the time. He actually did have to start getting ready now considering he had to change clothes and fix his dumb hobbit hair again after he got rained on. So he sent back one last message. 

“i do. i have to go get ready though so i’ll talk to you later?”

Phil replied, “Okay, Good luck!! x”

He sent back, “thanks x” before jumping up to get ready. He hoped to god everything ran smoothly tonight because he was pretty sure he had already hit his maximum stress levels for the day.

Dan found it surprisingly easy to let Phil back into his life after that first day. They texted almost constantly just like it was 2009 and they were getting to know each other all over again. In a way, he supposed they were. They had both grown a lot in the last two years, and there was a lot to talk about.

He had stopped shy of asking Phil to meet again, and Phil was holding off too. It had been a little over a week since the day in Costa. In that time, Dan had allowed himself to indulge in a way he hadn’t in over a year now. He watched his old videos with Phil.

Once he got started, it was like he’d opened up the floodgates. He stayed awake until 5 am watching a few more than he cared to admit. He started with the phil is not on fire videos, and he was grinning like an idiot by the time he finished the third and final one. He had always thought they were at their best in those videos. At its core, pinof was just a Q&A video, but it really wasn’t just that at all. It was a tradition they’d always taken joy in because it signified their first meeting in Manchester and the beginning of everything else.

The last video they’d filmed together was the Christmas baking video on Phil’s channel. They’d been planning to film one on Dan’s channel in February, but it never happened because that was the month Phil left. Watching now though, he saw what Dodie meant about their old videos.

Their chemistry was so easy and natural. They really had that something that drew people in. Most of all, they were so happy, and anyone could see that. Christmas of 2011 was really the last time Dan remembered thinking that things were good with him and Phil before it all started going downhill, and it was easy to tell how happy they were. Honestly, he would find it hard to blame the fans for shipping them now. Hell, he would have assumed they were together too.

He couldn’t bring himself to watch any of Phil’s recent videos. He had kept up with Phil’s channel after the break up at first, mostly out of masochism, but he stopped not long after he moved to London. Now he didn’t want to open that can of worms just yet when he’d barely had a proper conversation with him.

He was sitting in the lounge the next day watching the blindfolded cat face game video when he heard footsteps in the hallway. He hurriedly closed the tab and opened twitter in a new one with a speed only acquired from years of hiding his computer screen from his parents. He had just enough time to scroll down the page a bit before Dodie entered the room with her laptop and a cup of tea in tow. 

“Morning,” he said.

“Dan, it’s 12:30,” she pointed out. “It’s hardly morning.”

“Well, I just woke up, so it’s morning to me,” he reasoned.

She laughed quietly and sat down in her chair. She was used to his bizarre sleeping patterns by now, and she was hardly the picture of perfect sleeping habits herself. It kind of came with the territory when you were an internet person. 

“So what are you doing today?” She asked conversationally once she’d settled into her spot and started scrolling through her emails.

“Not much,” he admitted. “I’ve got my liveshow at 9, but I’m just working on some video ideas to see if there’s anything I can use for this week until then.”

“Hmm, sounds good,” she nodded absentmindedly.

They settled into a comfortable silence with the television playing some home improvement show in the background while they both scrolled. He enjoyed lazy days likes this. It was one of his favorite things about living with Dodie. Neither of them felt the need to talk all the time.

His phone buzzed next to him, and he looked to see a text from Phil. 

“Morning! :)”

He slid his finger across the screen to reply, and typed, “thank you!! dodie insists that 12:30 is too late to say good morning. anyway how are you?”

They texted back and forth a few more times until Phil said something that made Dan laugh out loud at his phone, and Dodie glanced up from her laptop.

“Who do you keep texting over there?” She asked, smiling. “You’re acting like a teenage girl with a crush.”

“I am not!” Dan said stubbornly. “And for the record, it’s none of your business.”

Dodie peered over the top of her glasses at him. “Don’t make me come over there and find out myself.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Dan teased. “You’re just as lazy as I am.”

“True,” she conceded, “but I am curious. Your phone’s been blowing up all week, and I’m sorry, but you’re just not that popular.”

“Ouch,” he said, placing a hand over his heart dramatically, “I’m wounded!”

“It wouldn’t happen to be Phil, would it?” She asked, ignoring his theatrics.

He chewed on his lower lip and looked back down at his computer screen. He said, “Maybe, but it’s not like that!”

“I never said it was,” she grinned.  
“It was heavily implied,” he countered. 

“I’m just happy for you, Dan,” she explained, “I’m glad you and Phil are reconnecting.”

“Me too,” he admitted.

“You know, I was thinking…” she started.

Dan interrupted, “Oh lord, here we go.”

“You haven’t even heard what I was going to say!” Dodie retorted indignantly. “I was going to say that I think you should invite Phil round for tea. We could invite some other friends over too.”

“Are you being serious right now?” Dan deadpanned. 

“Yes, I am!” She replied. “I thought it might be nice because I’m sure he could use some friends if he just moved here. You know how lonely London can be when you don’t know anyone.”

It was a guilt trip, and they both knew it. It was working though because Dan did know how lonely London could be. He was a wreck the entire first month he lived there. He thought he would be fine with a new job and a fresh start and all that, but in reality, he just missed Phil. It wasn’t until he started going to some YouTube events and met Dodie and their other friends that he started to actually settle in.

“Fine,” he sighed, “but I get to approve the guest list.”

“This isn’t a formal dinner party,” Dodie laughed, “but sure, you have veto power.”

“Good,” he replied.

They settled into silence again after that while Dan tried not to think about Phil fitting into his life and his friends so easily. He knew it would be easy because everything was easy with Phil. He couldn’t help but feel a little reluctant to share his new life here with Phil though. He had been forced to put himself back together and had worked hard to get where he was. It kind of felt like it was all for nothing if he was just going to let himself be able to get hurt all over again.

He mulled over those thoughts for two days until Dodie brought it up again Thursday morning. After much negotiation, he agreed that it would be fine if they invited Phil, Louise, Jack, and Carrie. It was a pretty safe group of people to introduce Phil to. He was secretly really glad Louise was coming because she was at least just as awkward as him and would know immediately if he needed an out or if he was feeling uncomfortable. He had confided in her about Phil in those first few bad months, and he knew he could trust her.  
The next step was actually inviting Phil. He didn’t know if he should just text him and keep it casual or if he should actually call and ask or what. He had actually considered making Dodie do it, but she had told him that was stupid because Phil didn’t even know her. 

“Just man up and call him,” she chided, “what are you, twelve?”

So here he sat with his phone in his hand and his thumb hovering over the call button. He took a deep breath and pressed the button before he could back out, only panicking slightly when it began to ring. 

“Hello?” Phil answered after three rings.

“Hey,” Dan said, hoping he didn’t sound like he was hyperventilating.

“Oh, hey!” Phil replied cheerily. “What’s up, Dan?”

“Oh, uh, not much. Just doing some editing mostly. How are you?” 

So far, so good, he thought. Now just spit it out.

“I was actually about to film,” Phil said. “I thought it was time for the compulsory ‘I’ve moved to London’ video.”

“Oh, cool,” Dan said. “I actually have a related question.”

“Hmm?” Phil asked.

“Well,” Dan started, “I was actually wondering if you wanted to come round to mine for dinner this Saturday?”

Phil was silent for a moment so Dan hurriedly continued.

“Dodie and I are having some friends over, and I thought you might want to come and meet some other youtubers here,” he added.

That wasn’t really why he was asking, but it was close enough to the truth to sound casual and not like he just really wanted to see Phil again. He waited patiently for another few seconds before Phil responded.

“That sounds great!” He said. “Whereabouts do you live?”

“I’ll text you my address,” Dan replied with a sigh of relief. “I think everyone is getting here around six.”  
“Okay,” Phil said happily. “I’ll see you then, I guess!”

“I guess so,” Dan smiled.

There was another beat of silence.

“Well, I’m going to go film so I can have this video edited and up by tomorrow, so I’ll text you later unless there’s anything else?” Phil asked.

“No, that was it,” Dan said, “so I’ll talk to you later I guess.”

“Okay, bye!” Phil said.

“Bye,” Dan replied just as Phil hung up.

He sat his phone down and exhaled slowly as he picked up his laptop and opened up final cut to finish editing his own video. That could have gone so much worse. 

By the time Saturday afternoon rolled around, Dan was a nervous wreck. He had spent all morning tidying the flat until there wasn’t even a sock out of place in his bedroom. Dodie kept making fun of him and raising her eyebrows while asking who exactly he was so concerned about seeing his bedroom. That had earned her a pillow to the back as she scurried away down the hallway. 

It really was just going to be a casual affair. The plan was to order Chinese take-away and have a game night, which was simple enough. That didn’t stop Dan from freaking out though.

He had caved and watched Phil’s new video about moving to London when it was uploaded Friday night. He’d replayed it a second time just to take in the little details, like the confident way Phil addressed the camera and the way his smile hadn’t really changed over the years. He was very much still the same AmazingPhil, but he was more grown up and sure of himself. Dan supposed the same could be said for his own more recent videos.

After the second watch through, he made the mistake of scrolling down to browse the comments section. He saw several usernames he recognized from his own comments and a few profile pictures of his face. He supposed that was to be expected as their audiences hadn’t really diverged all that much. He was glad for that. He had never wanted them to pick sides.

There was one string of comments that made him pause though. 

“Omggg does that mean he’s gonna start making videos with dan again since dan lives in london too?! #phanreunited”

394 thumbs up.

He opened up the replies.

“No don’t say that we don’t want to make them uncomfortable.”  
“I’m pretty sure they broke up :(((“  
“Wait who is dan”  
“Another youtuber danisnotonfire he used to be phil’s best friend and a lot of people thought they were dating at one point but we don’t bring it up now. You can watch phil’s older videos like pinof if you’re curious”

He hid the replies and scrolled down quickly to see a few more comments of a similar nature. It wasn’t really surprising that some of the fans had jumped to those conclusions. He had to give it to them for their dedication, though, that he and Phil reuniting was still their first thought after two years.

He would be lying if he said the thought hadn’t crossed his own mind though over the past week. They had both grown up a lot, and Phil seemed willing enough to move on and try to be friends again. Would it be so crazy to think they might do a collab one day? The fans would love it, and Dan wasn’t totally against the idea either. He’d make a mental note to bring it up to Phil at some point if things kept going well. 

He dismissed the thought for the time being though and continued to be a nervous wreck until 5:45 pm when the buzzer rang.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse lmao well other than school and moving and a billion other things but I've had most of this chapter written for months so I finally finished it and here it is! I'm in the writing mood again so maybe I can actually finish this story. I think I've lost the right to make promises though so let's just all see how it goes! Hope you enjoy this part if you're still reading though :)

Dan’s heart skipped a beat as he heard Dodie pick up the phone and let someone into their building. He waited a few seconds with bated breath only to breathe a giant sigh of relief when Louise called, “Hello!” 

Assuming the role of good party host, he went into the kitchen to greet Louise. She pulled away from hugging Dodie and quickly spotted him across the room.

“Dan!” She squealed, “Get over here and give me a hug!”

He laughed as she pulled him into a giant hug and rocked them both from side to side.

“I’ve missed your squishy little face!” She said, pinching his left cheek. “How have you been?”

“Louise, please,” he protested her affection, making her laugh. “I’ve been well, thank you.”

Just then the buzzer rang again, and Dodie answered the door to let Jack and Carrie in. After greeting them, he went over to the dining table and sat next to Louise, who was texting Zoe to check up on Darcy.

“Oh hey, love,” she said as he sat down. “It’s nice to have a night out, but mom’s are always worriers,” she explained.

“I understand,” Dan smiled. “How is Darcy anyway?”

“She’s good. She’s getting so big!” Louise exclaimed.

Dan laughed. He pulled out his own phone to check the time. It was 6:05pm. It wasn’t late enough for him to be worried yet, but he was still anxious that he hadn’t heard back from Phil for a few hours. Part of him thought he might have changed his mind about coming after all.

“So, I hear we have a special guest joining us tonight,” Louise prompted.

Dan looked up from his phone to see her giving him her full attention now. 

“Uh, yeah,” he said. “I ran into Phil the other day, and it turns out he just moved to London. Dodie thought it might be nice to bring him round to meet some people here.”

“That is a nice gesture,” Louise said. Dan could hear a ‘but’ coming. Sure enough, she continued, “but how are you feeling?”

He sighed. Louise was one of his closest friends, and he could never lie to her.

“Nervous, confused, maybe a little terrified,” he admitted.

Louise placed her hand on his arm and said, “Don’t be scared. He’s still just Phil. If you want to try to be friends with him again, then you definitely should. It would be better than the alternative of having to see him all the time and avoid him.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he agreed.

“It’s more than that though, isn’t it?” She asked.

He frowned at the table and started to answer when the buzzer rang again. He shot Louise a slightly panicked look, and she said, “Well, go on then!”

There was really only one person it could be, and the others had moved into the lounge so he got up and answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s Phil!”

“Hey, come on up” he said as he opened the door. 

He furiously worked to steady his breath as he heard Phil climbing the stairs so that he looked at least a little calm when he rang the doorbell. He took the two steps to open it and found Phil standing on the other side looking absolutely stunning.

He was wearing black skinny jeans and a short-sleeved dark red button up shirt with white hearts on it. The color complimented his pale skin and black hair perfectly. After his 10/10 outfit choice, his nervous smile was the second thing that Dan noticed.

He stepped aside and motioned for Phil to come in. Dan shut the door behind him and led the way into the kitchen where Louise had vanished, probably in an attempt to give them some alone time before being thrown into the group. Bless her.

“Did you find the place okay?” Dan asked conversationally.

“Yeah, sorry for being late,” Phil apologised. “My cab driver got stuck in traffic.”

“No worries,” Dan said. “It is rush hour in London. I’d be more surprised if you got here on time.”

“True,” Phil laughed.

Dan heard laughter erupt from the lounge and looked that way before asking Phil, “Everyone else is in the lounge already. Want to go in so I can introduce you?”

“Sure,” Phil smiled.

He still looked nervous so Dan said, “Don’t worry, they’ll all love you.”

Then he leaned in conspiratorially and whispered, “You didn’t hear it from me, but Dodie used to be a fan of yours back in the day. Feel free to give her shit about it.”

Phil burst out laughing and said, “I’m not gonna do that! That would probably embarrass her!”

Dan started laughing too and was happy to notice that Phil seemed a bit less tense.

“Alright, fine, but I make no promises,” he said as he turned to lead the way.

A hush fell over the group and everyone turned around to look as they entered the room. Phil gave a small wave. Dan suddenly couldn’t help but feel like he was sixteen again and introducing his boyfriend to his parents.

“Guys, this is Phil,” Dan gestured in his direction. 

Everyone waved and Dodie said, “Hi!”

Dan started with her and pointed at each of them, “Dodie, Jack, Carrie, and Louise.”

“Nice to meet you all,” Phil smiled. 

“So, what are you guys up to?” Dan asked before things had time to get awkward.

“We were just discussing who would die first in a zombie apocalypse,” Jack explained.

“Oh, just the normal party bants then,” Dan laughed incredulously.

“Sorry, hun, but we all agreed it would be you,” Carrie said with no real sympathy.

Dan brought one of his hands to his chest and said, “I’m offended!” He turned to Phil. “Can you believe this? My own friends!”

Phil said, “I mean, they have a point. You’d probably end up being eaten going back to get your laptop or something.”

Everyone laughed as Dan dropped his hand and gasped, staring at Phil dramatically.

“Ha!” Louise exclaimed. “See, even Phil agrees! I like him, he can stay.”

Dan folded his arms across his chest and pouted. He muttered just loud enough for Phil to hear, “See, told you that you’d fit right in.”

Phil elbowed him playfully, which made him smile and drop his arms. He stepped further into the lounge and sat down on the floor next to Dodie’s chair with Phil following.

Dodie clapped her hands together and said, “Alright, so who’s up for ordering take-away and then some Mario Kart?” 

So that was exactly what they did, and the evening progressed fairly easily after that. Although, Mario Kart was abandoned after a few rounds when everyone realised that Dan and Phil were just going to keep slaughtering everyone else. It didn’t take long to figure out they were still just as competitive and equally matched at the game as they used to be. Any awkwardness between the two had dissipated once Phil had thrown the first green shell at Dan. After that, it was all-out war. The others found great joy in watching them hurl insults back and forth, only to end up laughing again as soon as it was over. Dan had forgotten how fun it was to play video games with Phil. While he had fun with Dodie, she was much less competitive than him and tired of it much more quickly.

Phil and Jack hit it off really quickly with a mutual interest in film production, so when everyone had settled into their own conversations later in the evening, Dan found himself standing in the kitchen catching up with Dodie for the first time during the night. He was not so surreptitiously watching Phil from around the corner when she appeared next to him.

“Having fun?” she asked.

He jumped a little at her voice.

“Oh, yeah, are you?” he asked.

“I am,” she answered. “Phil seems to be fitting in well too.”

“Yeah,” Dan agreed, “but I knew he would. Who doesn’t he get along with?”

If Dan had been paying her any attention, he would have noticed the knowing smile Dodie was giving him. His gaze was settled back onto the conversation happening between Jack and Phil in the lounge though.

“Watching you two together is weird,” she continued.

Dan furrowed his brow and looked at her then. “What do you mean?”

“I guess it was one thing to see it on a screen, but it’s actually freaky how in sync you two are,” she explained. “It’s kind of fascinating.”

Dan snorted and took a drink of his beer. “Don’t tell me you’re a phan shipper now,” he teased.

She laughed and said, “Oh yeah, I’ve been updating my blog all night on my phone. I’m gonna be tumblr famous with all these Dan and Phil exclusives.”

He rolled his eyes and shot her a grin, which she returned. 

“You have been on your phone all night though,” he realised. “Who have you been texting?”

“No one,” she said quickly. “Just confirming some things with my manager for a new project.”

Dan gave her a skeptical look and asked, “What has your ‘manager’ been saying to make you blush all night, then?”

Dodie’s jaw dropped open and she hit his arm. “I am not blushing!” she exclaimed.

“Sure you’re not,” Dan replied while taking a sip of his beer.

She fixed him with a glare that said she wasn’t budging, so he sighed and said, “Fine, I won’t push it. For now.”

She smiled gratefully and leaned over to place her head on his shoulder, or as close as she could get with their ridiculous height difference, and he wrapped his arm loosely around her tiny frame.

“Thanks for suggesting this,” he said.

“You’re welcome,” she replied. “It’s been fun.”

He hummed in agreement as she squeezed his middle and pulled away to get another drink herself. He caught Phil’s eye then, and Phil excused himself and stood to move into the kitchen and join them. 

“Hey you,” Phil said as he approached.

“Hi,” Dan said back, smiling a bit dumbly. 

He really should have a conversation with his brain about how to control his face sometime in the near future. Phil cleared his throat, bringing Dan’s attention back.

“I was just going to let you know I just called a cab since it’s getting late,” he said.

Dodie spun back around then and asked, “Aw, leaving so soon? You really are welcome to stay as late as you’d like!”

Phil smiled graciously at her. “I appreciate it, but I have an early start tomorrow. I’m heading down to Brighton to see Peej.”

“Oh really?” Dan perked up at the mention of their friend. Dan had sort of lost touch with him since everything. “Any new and exciting Phil and PJ productions on the way?”

“Maybe,” Phil grinned. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

“I’ll be on the edge of my seat,” Dan promised.

Phil laughed in that little Phil way where his eyes scrunched up and his tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth, and Dan’s heart skipped a beat. He was so screwed. Thankfully, Dodie chose that moment to intervene before Dan’s brain could come up with something dumb to say in response.

“Thanks for coming round, Phil!” she said. “It was lovely to actually meet you.”

Phil turned to her and half opened his arms for a hug, which she stood on her tiptoes and accepted with a quick embrace. 

“Thank you for inviting me over! It was nice to meet you too. I’m sure I’ll see you around?” he asked.

“Oh, I think we’ll definitely be seeing each other around,” she smiled, a little too knowingly for Dan’s taste.

Dan took that as opportunity to escape as quickly as possible with a hand on Phil’s upper arm and an offer to walk him out, which Phil accepted. 

They descended the stairs in silence. It was the first time Dan had really been alone with Phil all night, and he suddenly felt unsure of himself and of them all over again. He wanted this to not be the end of their rekindled friendship, but he also felt a little terrified of pushing himself on Phil. Maybe Phil would prefer if Dan left him alone to build his own life in the city. Phil was always so damn hard to read. Dan certainly wouldn’t blame him if that was the case though.

Those thoughts occupied Dan’s brain all the way down to the front door, where Phil stopped and turned around to face him. 

“Thanks for asking me to come over,” Phil said hurriedly.

“You’re welcome,” Dan replied politely. “It was really Dodie’s great scheme, but I wasn’t too hard to convince I suppose.”

He smiled at Phil, and Phil laughed softly. “Dodie really is great. I’m glad you have her.”

“Me too,” Dan admitted. “I don’t know what I would have done without her honestly.”

He cleared his throat roughly, cutting that thought short. Phil glanced down at their feet.

“Yeah,” Phil added. He looked back up. “Well, you’ve done really well for yourself here. I’m proud of you, Dan.”

Dan didn’t need a mirror to know he was blushing as he could feel the warmth spreading across his face. He looked down at his own shoes and straightened the hem of his shirt.

“Thank you, Phil. That means a lot.” 

He raised his eyes back up to see the kind smile Phil was giving him. Even in awkward, weird situations, Phil was still Phil and he was still Dan. And as long as that was true, Dan thought, maybe they’d be alright.

They stared at each other in silence for another moment before Dan grinned and then they both laughed at their sudden awkwardness. Car lights shone through the window of the door at that exact moment, and Phil glanced outside. 

“I think that’s me,” he said.

“Yeah, okay,” Dan replied.

“See you again soon?” Phil asked.

He had a hopeful look on his face that Dan couldn’t bear to be the one to shoot down. So, Dan nodded. Phil felt behind him and placed his hand on the doorknob.

“Text me when you get home?” Dan asked. “Just, you know, so I know you didn’t get kidnapped or something.”

Dan cringed inwardly at his own awkward rambling. Phil was a grown man. He didn’t need Dan waiting up for him to make it home safely. Ugh. Why could he not go five minutes without embarrassing himself?

“Sure,” Phil’s voice cut through Dan’s mental berating. “Talk to you later then!”

Dan smiled sheepishly and said, “Okay, talk to you later.”

The cab driver honked impatiently, so Phil hurriedly opened the door and disappeared into the night. Dan saw him lean forward to tell the driver his address as he watched at the door for maybe a bit too long. As the cab was driving away though, Phil waved at Dan through the car window and Dan waved back. 

For the first time in 2 years, he felt like he and Phil were on the same page in this new and scary situation. Dan had no idea what would come of them being friends again, but he couldn’t help but think Dodie might have been onto something because he couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed as much as he had tonight. He sighed to himself and went back upstairs to join the party.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is a little on the shorter side, but it just felt like a good place to stop. I've also published a new one-shot fake relationship fic called Better Off As Lovers, and Not The Other Way Around if you're interested! :)

It had been two weeks since the party at Dan and Dodie’s flat, and during those two weeks, Dan was maybe the least productive he’d ever been. Well, that actually depended on what you wanted to count as productive. He had done his radio show as usual, but there were tumbleweeds rolling across his subscribers’ notifications and his tweets were scarce. This absence wasn’t due to depression or illness though. No, the reason for Dan’s silence had 2006 myspace hair and bright blue eyes and was currently catching up to him on their fifth round of Mario Kart. 

“Phil! You cheater!” Dan squealed as Phil threw a blue shell and raced past him.

“It’s not cheating, Dan,” Phil giggled, “that’s the hazard of being in first place.”

Dan responded with silence as he slowly took out the remaining players between him and Phil and caught up to second place just in time to cross the finish line behind Phil. He sighed and tossed his controller to the side as Phil did a victory dance to his right.

“One more round?” Phil asked.

“Maybe later,” Dan said, “food first.”

Phil conceded easily enough and got up to shut off the console. They had spent nearly every day together since the party. A friendship like theirs was rare, and it was terrifyingly easy to fall back into old routines. Dan wasn’t sure what to make of it, honestly. Their interactions had stayed strictly behind the platonic line in the sand, but the electricity between them was palpable. It felt like they were a rubber band being stretched a little more every day, and according to the laws of physics, it was eventually going to break. Well, that’s what it felt like to Dan. For all he knew, Phil was just happy to have his bro around for video games and felt absolutely nothing. When he’d voiced that thought to Dodie, she’d scoffed at him. She didn’t really know their past though or all the unspoken damage that had been done. 

Phil walked in front of him, breaking the concentrated gaze he’d fixed on the houseplant on the windowsill, and snapped him out of his thoughts.

“I don’t actually have any groceries because my Tesco order is due tomorrow,” Phil explained, “but we could order pizza or something?”

Dan looked behind Phil at the window outside and felt a grin forming on his face.

“Why don’t we go out?” he asked. “It’s such a beautiful night for once, and I kind of want to take advantage of it.”

“Okay!” Phil agreed with a smile of his own. “I’ll go grab my coat.”

Before they knew it, the pair found themselves walking along the streets of China Town taking in the warm air and bright lights. The sun was barely hidden behind the horizon, so it wasn’t late enough for the usual evening crowd to be bustling about. There were a few people though, so Dan stayed close to Phil as they meandered through the pavement. 

They wandered for a bit before deciding on a quaint little restaurant on the corner of the street and ducking inside. They followed the hostess to a small table in the back with two chairs and settled into a comfortable silence as they perused the menu. Just as he was about to ask Phil what he was getting, he heard a gasp to his left. He quickly looked over to find the source and was met with the face of a young blonde girl who looked as if she’d seen a ghost. She was staring directly at him. He got recognised fairly often when he was out, especially in central London, so he offered her a smile and watched as her facial features softened and she started to approach.

Phil was still obliviously engrossed in his menu, so Dan cleared his throat to alert Phil to their guest. Phil looked up at Dan in confusion and then followed his gaze to the girl walking their way. They were nothing if not polite to their fans, so their meet and greet faces immediately fell into place.

“Hi Dan, Phil,” she stammered, as she reached their table.

She looked like she might pass out, but a huge smile was stretching across her face. Dan remembered what it was like to be in her position and even still felt it himself sometimes when the BBC had him interview A-list celebrities. So he smiled back gently.

“Hello,” he said, “what’s your name?”

“Maisie,” she stuttered. “It’s so nice to meet you, oh my gosh, I totally didn’t expect to see you here.”

Dan laughed, and Phil took over. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Maisie!” he said kindly. “Would you like a picture or for us to sign something?”

She started feeling for her phone in her pocket and pulled it out with a shaky hand. 

“I would love a picture, if you don’t mind,” she said.

“Of course!” Dan leaned forward to take the phone from her hand. “I’ll take it for you. I have freakishly long arms, but they’re good for selfies.”

All of them laughed as he and Phil stood up and shuffled around until they were standing on either side of her and leaning into the frame. He took a few pictures and handed the phone back to her.

“Thank you so much,” she gushed. “I’m sorry if I interrupted your evening.”

“Oh, don’t worry!” Phil smiled. “We barely just sat down, so you weren’t interrupting anything.”

Phil had a way of putting people at ease. Dan always marveled at the lengths Phil went to just to make sure no one felt left out or uncomfortable. 

Maisie looked over her shoulder at her parents, who were looking particularly impatient as they waited by the door, and then turned back to them.

“I have to go now before my mum has a fit,” she said apologetically.

Dan and Phil laughed and offered her hugs, which she accepted. 

“I hope you have a nice night,” Dan said.

“Thanks, you too!” she grinned.

She was gone with one last wave, and Dan exhaled. He loved meeting his subscribers, but he couldn’t help but feel just a little on edge every time one of them caught him off guard. He looked across the table and noticed Phil staring at him.

“What?” Dan asked.

“Nothing,” Phil said, “I just wasn’t sure how you’d handle that.”

Dan scrunched his brows together. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Phil explained, “that was the first time we’ve been spotted together by a fan since, what, 2012?”

“Oh,” Dan said dumbly.

He hadn’t even realised it, but Phil was right. Their rekindled friendship was new to them, but this would have been the first time any of their fans had seen them together since before the breakup. Given that the pressure of their audience had been a pretty large factor in the tension that ultimately pushed them apart, he could understand why Phil was giving him a concerned look. However, he didn’t feel any sort of panic yet anyways, so he was counting that as a good sign. He looked back to Phil, who was still watching him as if he were waiting for the freak out.

“I mean, she seemed nice?” Dan said tentatively. “It’s not like we were doing anything incriminating. We’re just out for dinner. I’m not worried. Are you?”

Phil studied him for a moment before finally releasing the tension from his shoulders and relaxing. “No, I don’t think there’s any reason to be worried,” he agreed.

He picked up his menu again with the hint of a smile on his face, and Dan sighed in relief that whatever he said must have been what Phil wanted to hear. They had yet to bring up the past really at all until that moment, and Dan felt just the slightest bit better having gotten that hurdle out of the way.

The rest of the evening passed pleasantly and uneventfully. Phil picked up the tab as they left, causing Dan to protest, but he insisted it was his fault they had to go out anyways since he didn’t have any groceries. Dan conceded only under the pretense that he would pay next time, and they both stumbled into a taxi back to Phil’s house. The two spent the better part of the drive watching dog videos on Phil’s phone and giggling in the backseat. It wasn’t until Dan’s phone started buzzing in his pocket that he thought to see what was going on in the world. 

He had a few texts from Dodie asking when he would be back, but it was the text from Louise that caught his attention.

Louise Pentland  
21:09  
When were you going to tell me about your hot date, Dan???

There was a twitter link attached, so Dan clicked it and groaned when he saw that the picture of him and Phil from the restaurant had been uploaded. Even better, it already had 5,000 retweets and 12,000 likes. The internet never ceased to both amaze and terrify him.

He tapped Phil’s arm and passed him his phone, and Phil laughed. 

“Well, that didn’t take long,” he chuckled.

“No kidding,” Dan said. “I bet there’s already fan art on tumblr.”

Phil snorted at that, and Dan found himself laughing too. Despite their jokes, though, they both spent the rest of the ride home scrolling through their notifs and being surprised at just how many people were excited to see them hanging out again. Dan honestly thought that most people would have given up by now, and Phil apparently did too because he looked just as shocked.  
When they got back to Phil’s flat and were waiting on the kettle to boil, Dan noticed Phil had been really quiet since they had gotten out of the car. Dan knew better than to push him when he was thinking about something though. Phil would open up in his own time.

That time turned out to be fifteen minutes later when they were both settled on the sofa with hot mugs of tea in their hands and a nature documentary on the TV. Phil cleared his throat.

“Hey, Dan?”

Dan swallowed his tea and set down his mug. “Yeah?”

“I was thinking,” Phil said, stopping to chew on his lower lip. “Maybe we could make a video together?”

Before Dan could respond, Phil hurried on, “I mean, if you’re uncomfortable with that, I totally get it. But the fans would be so excited, and I think it would be fun for us too? You don’t have to say yes though. It was just an idea. I-”

“Phil,” Dan interrupted. 

Phil stopped and looked at Dan as if he were a child about to be reprimanded by a teacher. Dan smiled at him.

“I’d love to make a video with you,” he said. “I was actually going to ask you about it soon too, but you beat me to it.”

Phil sighed and grinned, “Oh, thank God. I was worried you wouldn’t want to, but after seeing Maisie tonight, I don’t know. It just felt like it was time.”

Dan nodded and picked up his tea again to take a sip. It was definitely time.

Dan ended up staying over so late that they agreed it was probably best he just slept on the couch that night instead of trying to get back home. Phil gave him a blanket and the spare pillow from his bed and bid him goodnight. Dan received a full row of winky faces from Dodie after he told her he was staying over at Phil’s, to which he responded with a single emoji giving her the finger. He didn’t really blame her for that assumption, but it was laughable at best when they weren’t even sleeping in the same bed. He wasn’t upset though. Things were honestly going so well between him and Phil, and he really didn’t want to push any boundaries. If Dan sleeping on the couch was what made them both comfortable, then that was what he wanted to do. Phil was his ex-boyfriend after all. Their easy friendship caused that fact to slip his mind more often than it should.

It wasn’t as if Dan had forgotten how in love he was with Phil. God, he was still so attracted to Phil that it physically pained him. He just wanted to not think about the past, though, when they had this opportunity to enjoy the present. Whatever he had with Phil now, it was infinitely better than the two years he’d spent without him. It was that happy thought that lulled Dan into a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find me on tumblr at softdanandphil or twitter at bamfdanhowell <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's a lot of dodie in this lol definitely not because i have a crush on her lol or love the idea of her friendship with dan lol bye lol

Filming a video with Phil had seemed great as a concept, but now that the day had come, Dan was a mess. It’s traditional YouTube etiquette to film a video for both of your channels when doing a collab with another YouTuber, but Dan and Phil weren’t exactly just two YouTubers collabing. They decided it would be best just to film a video for Phil’s channel and see how that went over first. So that was how Dan found himself rushing to get ready to go to Phil’s house on a Saturday afternoon with half of his hair straightened and most of his wardrobe strewn across his bed. Kanye was playing from his phone, but he had stopped paying attention to the music by now. It was just background noise to his mild panic. He heard Dodie approach and stop at his bedroom door, and he turned to her with an exasperated sigh. 

“I don’t know what to wear,” he stated plainly.

She laughed and nodded to his pile of clothes. “I see that.”

“Will you shut up and just help me?” he asked, rolling his eyes and turning back to his straighteners.

She stepped inside his room and stared at the explosion of black clothes for a moment before picking up his Givenchy shirt with stars around the neck and setting it apart from the others.

“Wear this one,” she said, “it’s a danisnotonfire classic.”

He hummed in agreement. It was as good an idea as any he had. 

“You look exhausted,” Dodie pointed out.

“Thanks,” he said.

She laughed and stepped back to lean against the doorframe. 

“Would you like some coffee?” she asked.

“Yes, please,” he replied gratefully.

She disappeared down the hallway, and Dan took a moment to study his face in the mirror only to find that she was right. The dark circles under his eyes, while always present, were noticeably deeper than usual. His eyes were also a little bloodshot, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. To be fair, he hadn’t slept well at all last night. He sat the straighteners down and covered his face with his hands. Peeking through his fingers at his reflection, he groaned. There was no way he could film a video with Phil looking like this. What would all of Phil’s viewers think when he showed up out of the blue two years later looking like a rat who stumbled into Phil’s bedroom?! 

Dodie re-entered the room with two cups of coffee in her hands and sat one down on the desk in front of him.

“Are you okay?” she asked more seriously than before.

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

He dragged his hands down his face roughly and shook his head to clear the thoughts. He had to do this, and coffee would probably help. Dodie sat down on the edge of his bed behind him. She peered over his shoulder sympathetically and met his eyes in the mirror as he took a sip of the warm liquid.

“You don’t look bad,” she said softly. “I just meant you look like you didn’t sleep well, and I’m worried about you.”

He sat his mug down and turned around to face her. He had finished straightening his hair, and all that was left to do was change clothes. He still felt like he looked like a rat though. 

“I’m fine,” he reassured her, “just nerves, is all.”

She smiled at him and said, “You shouldn’t be nervous. It’s just Phil. If it’s the fans you’re worried about, that’s even dumber because you know as well as I do it’s the same fans who watch your channel.”

He laughed a bit at that and nodded in agreement. She had a point. If his mentions on Twitter were anything to go by, he and Phil still shared a majority of their audiences. 

They’d decided to do a phil is not on fire video, as it only seemed right to come back with the most quintessentially Dan and Phil thing possible. Therefore, Phil had tweeted asking for questions yesterday afternoon. Dan watched his notifications go insane for about 5 minutes before deciding to stick to the pinof tag and only look for questions as he and Phil had agreed. He was already nervous enough about this whole thing, and he didn’t need to see the #phanreunion that his followers seemed to be trying to trend. 

“I could help with your dark circles, if it’d make you feel better,” Dodie offered, pulling him back to the present moment.

“Unless you have a time machine and some sleeping pills, I’m not sure you can magically fix this,” he said gesturing to his face.

“Well, I don’t have that,” Dodie conceded, “but I do have some concealer and a blending brush.”

Dan wrinkled his nose. “Makeup?” he asked.

Dodie laughed, “Please, lots of male YouTubers wear makeup. Besides, I’m not asking you to let me give you a contour. No one will even notice a bit of concealer and some powder.”

“Oh, so we’re talking powder too now?” he asked teasingly. 

“Yes, we are,” she said, “because it’ll make the concealer blend in better. So what do you think?”

He looked over his shoulder into the mirror on his desk again and sighed. It couldn’t hurt to try.

“Do your worst,” he told her.

She jumped up and told him, “Finish getting dressed, and I’ll be right back!”

Dodie disappeared for long enough to make Dan worry before rushing back in with a handful of small bottles and brushes. Seeing his concerned look, she insisted she had only brought so many to make sure she used the right shade. She made him turn to face her where she perched on the corner of his bed and got straight to work. He tried to ask her what she was doing, but she shushed him saying that she couldn’t fix his face if he was moving it.

After about 10 minutes of dabbing and blending at various intervals, she sat back and turned his face from side to side. Apparently she liked what she saw because she clapped her hands together happily and declared, “You’re all done!”

He hesitantly turned around to face the mirror behind him, and he had to admit he was surprised. She hadn’t been lying when she’d said no one would notice it. Despite having felt Dodie apply it himself, he could barely tell that he was wearing makeup at all. The dark circles and red splotches on his cheeks, however, had all but vanished. Girls really are magic, he thought to himself.

“So what do you think?” Dodie asked from behind him.

“I think you’re gonna have to teach me how you did that,” he replied.

She laughed and said, “I’ll be happy to, but I’m afraid you’re running late now so you should probably go.”

He picked up his phone and saw that she was right. It wasn’t like Phil was going to be angry at him for being late, but he still didn’t want to keep him waiting. So he reached for his wallet, checking to make sure he had his oyster, and turned to hug a waiting Dodie.

“Thank you,” he said.

“You’re welcome,” she replied, stepping away from him. “Now go have fun and don’t overthink it!”

He hurried out the door and quickly decided to take the bus instead of the tube because the day was too beautiful for once to be stuck underground. Besides, being on the bus meant that he would still have phone service. He shot off a quick text to Phil letting him know that he was on his way before opening Twitter. He scrolled through several tweets from his friends who were apparently in the middle of some sort of debate about the appropriate time for brunch or something and a few news articles before growing bored of his timeline and resorting to his notifications.

As expected, the overwhelming majority of them were people yelling about him and Phil. He came across one from lizzieisnotonfire that simply said “are you really making a new pinof?”

He clicked reply and typed out “yep filming it today” with his trademark style of zero punctuation and hit send.

He laughed to himself quietly as the replies came pouring in. It was a mix of people yelling “lIZZIE!!” and people simply screaming with various emojis. He had to admit that when he wasn’t terrified of his overzealous followers, it was quite fun to mess with them.

Feeling brave, he opened a new tweet and typed ‘@amazingphil do you think cat whiskers might be making a comeback in 2014 or is that too 2009?’

Within seconds, Phil replied ‘@danisnotonfire my crystal ball says we might find out tomorrow!’ with a purple crystal ball emoji attached at the end.

Dan favourited the tweet and smiled to himself before closing Twitter. He had done enough trolling for one day. He spent the rest of his bus journey listening to the Kanye album he had paused earlier and staring out at the city streets. 

Half an hour later, he was at Phil’s door. The nerves had mostly gone after he’d let himself calm down on the bus ride over, but there was an undeniable edge to his mood as he tapped his fingers on his thigh waiting for Phil to buzz him in. Phil seemed to be feeling it too though, because he was weirdly hyper when he met Dan at the door to his flat. He quickly ushered Dan in and told him the kettle was on if he wanted tea or coffee before running off again to adjust the lighting for their setup or whatever he was doing. Dan surveyed the lounge and spotted the nearly empty cup of coffee sitting on the table. Ah, that explains it. Phil, despite being a coffee addict, was very sensitive to caffeine. He must have had at least two cups to be acting the way he was. Dan laughed to himself before turning into the kitchen to make himself a second cup. It couldn’t hurt considering how little he’d slept.

With his coffee in hand, he wandered down the hallway to Phil’s room and watched Phil fuss with the softbox light from the doorway. Phil noticed him and smiled, waving him in.

“Come sit down in shot,” he said, “that way I can set the camera’s focus.”

He sat down and fiddled with cup as Phil silently worked on the camera’s settings. He glanced around the room and smiled at how Phil it all was. He hadn’t really been in here long enough to look around yet. Plushies and framed artwork and candles filled the top of the dresser behind him. The rest of the room that wasn’t going to be on camera looked a little less organised and a little more lived in, but as was the story with every youtuber’s bedroom. He shuddered to think of how the unseen side of his bedroom looked after he threw everything onto it for filming purposes. He glanced back down at his drink only to notice the bedsheets he was sitting on for the first time. The duvet was bright green and blue. Dan glanced over his shoulder at the rest of it and actually laughed out loud. Phil looked up from the camera and furrowed his brows at Dan.

“What?” he asked.

“Phil,” Dan started, “did you know that you happened to buy the exact same duvet as the one I have?”

Phil looked at Dan skeptically, “No, I didn’t,” he explained, “isn’t yours black and white?”

“Yeah it is,” Dan grinned, “but it’s the same duvet. This is just the brighter version of it. Ikea, right?”

Recognition dawned on Phil’s face as he compared the two in his mind, and he gasped, “Oh my god.”

Dan burst into laughter then, and Phil joined him dissolving into giggles. Dan sat the cup of coffee down on Phil’s nightstand and threw his head back laughing as Phil leaned over the tripod clutching his stomach. It wasn’t necessarily that funny, but then again, it kind of was. Honestly, who else would do something like this besides Dan and Phil?

The two of them caught their breath and looked at each other, only to start laughing again. It was another moment before they finally calmed down. Phil, apparently done with the camera, sat down next to Dan on the edge of the bed. They both wore giant grins, and Dan shook his head.

“Of course we would unknowingly buy the same duvet cover,” he laughed.

“I swear I didn’t mean to,” Phil explained.

“I believe you,” Dan said, “besides, it’s kind of hilarious. I’m sure the internet will get a good laugh out of it once they notice.”

“I’m sure they will,” Phil agreed.

They already knew well enough how to make videos together and how the other operated on camera, so it only a took a couple minutes of discussion before they started the video with a simultaneous ‘Hey guys!’ and ‘Hello, internet!’ 

“You’ve seen the title of the video, so you know what time it is!” Phil said excitedly to the camera.

“And what time is it, Phil?” Dan played along.

Phil shot his arm into the air dramatically with a Sharpie in his hand. “It’s whisker time!”

“Wow, this is the fourth one of these, and we’re still damaging our skin with permanent markers, huh?” Dan asked.

Phil nodded, looking at the camera with wide eyes.

Everything flowed easily after that, and they were doubled over laughing less than five minutes in at a particularly bizarre would you rather question. There was a reason they’d continued the original pinof tradition. It was hilarious. The only difference now was the times they had to pause for one of them to explain an inside joke to the other, which, okay, was… odd. 

It’s not that there weren’t all the old Dan and Phil-isms scattered throughout the questions, but there were also questions relating to Phil’s weird kid video from 3 months ago or Dan’s incident on Radio 1 with Nick Jonas. They had both picked a few of those questions without even realising it until their jokes were met with confused silence from the other.

It felt weird to have just Dan things and just Phil things in something that was so very them. Dan tried to take it in stride, though, and Phil did too. However, they silently agreed not to answer those questions after the third unsuccessful attempt to get Phil to re-enact the awkward handshake/fist bump Dan had done live on air with Nick. It wasn’t that big of a deal, but being so out of sync with Phil left Dan with a prickly, uncomfortable feeling in his stomach that he couldn’t shake. It felt too much like 2012.

If his discomfort showed on his face, Phil didn’t seem to notice. Then again, Phil’s face never really betrayed what he was thinking. They finished the video after about half an hour without too much fuss. They both sighed in relief as Phil turned the camera off. It had been fun, of course, but exhausting all the same. Filming videos always was. Phil opened up his phone and turned to Dan, “Wanna take a cat whisker selfie to tweet like we used to?”

“Sure,” Dan replied, scooting in closer so he could be seen by Phil’s phone throwing up a peace sign.

Phil took a few of them smiling and posing in various ways before declaring one of them must be good enough. He and Dan flipped through them and finally settled on the first pose with the peace sign and Phil looking at the whiskers on his nose with crossed eyes. Phil applied a filter, with the careful direction of Dan over his shoulder, and they tweeted it out. Dan retweeted it, and both of their followers freaked out, predictably. 

Phil had planned to upload the video the next day, which meant he would inevitably spend the rest of the night editing. Dan offered to help, but Phil declined. 

“It’ll go faster if I just sit down and get it done, I think,” Phil said as he was setting up his laptop at the kitchen table.

Dan nodded from where he was leaning against the countertop. He looked up and watched as Phil began to transfer the footage from his memory card.

“I can hang out and keep you company at least,” Dan said. He smiled, “I’ll even bring you ribena at regular intervals.”

Phil smiled a bit at that but sighed. Dan didn’t miss the little wrinkle on his forehead. Phil may have a poker face of steel, but even he had his tells. Dan was privy to pretty much all of them.

“You should go ahead and go home,” Phil said, “It’d be boring for you to just sit here while I work. I promise I’ll send you a link so you can approve before I publish it.”

Dan frowned. It wasn’t like Dan playing video games or watching netflix while Phil worked in silence was a new or weird thing for them, but he could take a hint when he wasn’t wanted. 

“Okay,” he said evenly.

He grabbed his phone from the counter and walked over to the door. Phil hadn’t even looked up from his computer.

“I’ll talk to you later then?” he said.

He didn’t mean for it to come out as a question, but it did.

“Yeah, I’ll text you when I’m done!” Phil replied, suddenly looking up at him with his smile back in place. 

Dan nodded and turned to place his hand on the doorknob. Just as he pulled the door open, he heard, “Dan.”

He froze and turned around, raising his eyebrows in question.

“I had fun filming with you again,” Phil said. A small, genuine smile played on his lips, and Dan had to admit it immediately turned his anxiety down a few notches.   
“Me too,” Dan replied warmly.

They stared at each other in silence for exactly three more seconds before Phil cleared his throat and looked back down. A light blush was filling his cheeks, and it was maybe the cutest thing Dan had ever seen.

“See you later, Phil,” Dan said.

Phil gave him a tight-lipped smile and a nod, and with that Dan left.

He sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his hair as he turned the corner outside of Phil’s door and started down the stairs. When he got to the bottom, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened his text conversation with Dodie.

Dan Howell  
17:35  
do we have wine in the pantry

Dodie Clark  
17:38  
Oh, Dan. You were overthinking it, weren’t you?

Dodie Clark  
17:38  
Yes, btw. We also have chocolate.

Dan smiled.

Dan Howell  
17:39  
good

The bus arrived right as Dan got to the stop, so he got on and found a seat on the upper level. Just as he was sitting down, his phone buzzed again. 

Dodie Clark  
17:41  
Are you okay?

Dan sighed.

Dan Howell  
17:41  
not really. i’ll tell you when i get home.

Dodie quickly replied with a heart emoji, and he smiled.

When he made it home, dragged himself up their stairs, and opened the door, he laughed at what he saw waiting for him. About three bottles of wine, two bags of Maltesers, a half-eaten chocolate orange, and a Cadbury chocolate bar was sitting on the kitchen table waiting for him.

“I’m home!” he yelled down the hallway.

He heard a scuffle as Dodie pushed back her computer chair and then her footsteps as she approached. The first thing she did was walk straight up to him and hug him, and he sighed.

“Thanks, Dodie,” he smiled as she pulled away and turned around to face the table behind him.

“I have every bottle of wine from our pantry and all the chocolate I could find in the flat and also all ten seasons of Friends on DVD if you just want to get drunk and laugh at Ross and Rachel’s relationship drama,” she explained.

“Did you know you might be the perfect flatmate?” he asked her.

“Yes,” she answered. “So do you want to talk about it or do you just want to order pizza and start drinking?”

“There’s not even that much to talk about,” he said, “I don’t even really know what happened.”

Dodie took this as her cue and grabbed two wine glasses from the cabinet, passing one to Dan. He gratefully accepted and poured himself some red wine.

“Well, how did filming go?” she asked.

Dan took a sip. He hummed. “It was fine, I think,” he said, “We were having fun and everything, but it got a little weird when questions started coming up that had to do with just one of us and not the other.”

Dodie nodded, encouraging him to continue.

“Like, remember how funny my subscribers found the thing with Nick Jonas?” he asked.

She laughed. “Yeah, they still haven’t let that one go. I’m even getting tagged in edits on tumblr.”

“Yeah, well, Phil didn’t see that radio show, so he didn’t really understand any of the jokes.”

“I can see why that would be weird since it’s such a big thing that your fans were talking about,” Dodie agreed.

“Yeah, and like, phil is not on fire has always been about the both of us, you know? But there hasn’t been an ‘us’ since 2012, so what is there to even talk about? Llamas and lions and Delia Smith? There’s a reason, well several reasons, I ditched that branding,” Dan sighed in frustration. He looked down at his wine bottle and watched the little bubbles form and rise to the top.

“What did Phil say about all this?” Dodie asked.

Dan twisted his glass back and forth by its stem and didn’t lift his eyes.

“Nothing. He never says anything. Then when I offered to stay while he edited, he just told me to go home.”

Dodie remained silent for a moment as she poured herself a glass from the bottle of white wine. She took a sip and leaned back in her chair.

“You know what the problem is with you and Phil?” she asked thoughtfully.

He looked up at her. “What?”

“You two don’t talk,” she said. She continued, “I don’t know Phil very well, but I know you, and from what you’ve told me, you guys never talk about a problem while it’s happening. You just get awkward and leave and decide what really happened in your own mind and you don’t give him a chance to hear his side of it and vice versa.”

Dan stared at her dumbfounded, jaw hanging open and closing like a fish. She sighed and looked at him sympathetically. He cleared his throat.

“You know, on second thought, I think I’m ready to get drunk and watch Friends now,” he said.

She laughed and patted his hand.

“Alright, I’ll order the pizza.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr at softdanandphil! :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you're welcome and i'm sorry.

Ever since his conversation with Dodie, Dan couldn’t get her words out of his mind. He’d never even realised it before, but she was absolutely right. He and Phil didn’t talk about their problems while they were happening. They waited until it was this big unmanageable thing and then it was just too much to fix with a conversation. With that one piece of clarity, he felt he could pinpoint what went wrong in nearly every single one of their problems from now back to 2012. Huh.

That begged the question of what was he supposed to do with that information? He almost wanted to call Phil and tell him he’d figured it all out, but what would be the point of that? They weren’t together. As far as he could tell, they weren’t going to be together. Phil didn’t want that, and Dan… well, Dan wasn’t sure if his heart could survive being broken by Phil Lester again.

He groaned and kicked his foot off his desk, sending himself and his office chair spinning around as he stared off into space. It was one of his favourite habits to do while he was thinking, which drove his computer lab teacher mad back in school. 

It’d been two days since they filmed the video, and it had gone over exceptionally well with their subscribers. There were a million gifsets all over tumblr and his mentions were full of people thanking him for making a new video with Phil. Under all of that, though, there was the undercurrent of no one really knowing what it all meant. Join the club, he thought to himself. 

He’d made the mistake of going deep into the comments section and uncovered a long thread of people debating if they had gotten back together or not.

‘Did you see the way Dan was looking at him?!’

‘God I’ve missed phan’

‘My shipper heart can’t take it’

‘They must be back together, just look at them!’

‘You guys are so dumb. They’re both straight.’

‘My FEELS!!!!!’

He was pretty sure he had seen the full range of human emotion in that one comment thread. If he was being honest, the speculation still bothered him. However, it was different this time. Last time, it had been all about the prying into his private life and asking questions he wasn’t ready to answer. This time, it was just kind of uncomfortable. Maybe the difference was this time they were wrong.

Ironic to the fact that he’d figured out he and Phil had a communication problem, he hadn’t seen Phil since the day they’d filmed or talked to him about why he’d asked Dan to leave. He didn’t really want to talk about it, if he was being honest. Maybe he was just a coward, but it was easier to ignore it and move on than to bring up something he might not want to know the answer to.

Phil had gone to Brighton for a couple of days to help Peej with something he was working on, but he was coming back to London tonight. He’d texted Dan that morning and asked if he wanted to have a Chinese take-out and movie night. Of course Dan had said yes. Dodie was staying with her parents for the night, so it was fantastic timing on Phil’s part. Dan hated being home alone.

He glanced at the clock. He still had a couple of hours until Phil’s train was due, and then Phil would be coming straight to Dan’s flat. He sighed, wheeled his chair forward again, and opened up a Word document. He had to finish writing this dinof video today or he was sure he would have angry mobs outside to contend with after going 2 weeks without an upload. So he put on his writing playlist, and the next two hours passed in a blur of re-writing shot lists and breaks to fill up his glass of ribena. He ended up finishing with just enough time to tidy the flat before Phil texted and said he was on the way from the station.

Phil arrived with a backpack slung over his shoulder and an exhausted look on his face. He shucked the bag off his shoulder and into one of Dan’s dining room chairs with a sigh.

“Everything alright?” Dan asked.

Phil looked over at him and smiled softly.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, “better now that I’m here.”

Dan cleared his throat as he felt his cheeks warm and looked down at the table, certain now that Phil had come here specifically to kill him. He looked back up, scratching the back of his head.

“Well, do you wanna talk about it?” he asked.

“Not really,” Phil exhaled. “I kind of had an argument with PJ, then some little kid kept kicking the back of my chair on the way here and the connecting train was delayed because Southern Rail can’t function for, like, a single day.”

Dan snorted, “Yeah, I feel you there. Is everything okay with Peej?”

It wasn’t like Phil to get into arguments with, well, anyone. Dan couldn’t imagine him and PJ fighting for any reason, seeing as they were two of the most chill people Dan knew.

“Yeah, he’s right, but I was just being stubborn about something. It was stupid. I’ll text him tomorrow and tell him I’m sorry,” Phil said.

“You being stubborn? I can’t imagine that,” Dan teased. 

He knew when to let it go, and this was one of those times Phil just wasn’t going to explain any further. Phil smiled at his quip though.

“Shut up, you,” Phil giggled.

Dan smiled too, and the tense atmosphere dissipated. They settled on ordering from Dan’s favourite Chinese take away place and found themselves in familiar territory half an hour later, with an array of dishes on the coffee table in front of them and the netflix selection screen on the TV.

“Scary movie?” Phil asked.

“Nah, I’d rather not lie awake all night with all the lights on after you leave,” Dan said, “but maybe more of a psychological thriller?”

“Oh, I like that,” Phil agreed.

They casually scrolled through the titles before finally settling on one that looked decent enough. Everything was fine as they ate in silence, and it wasn’t really the film’s fault that Dan was practically squirming in his seat half an hour later. 

Dan wasn’t entirely sure if Phil was doing it on purpose or not, but he was definitely sitting extremely close to Dan. Like, if Dan moved too much, his thigh would brush up against Phil’s. The two of them were getting to be good, if not best, friends again, but this level of casual physical intimacy was something they had avoided entirely. 

Dan wasn’t quite sure if he was imagining it or not until he experimentally leaned his weight to his other side and Phil imitated him within seconds, bringing them just as close as they had been before. Dan may have been logical, but he was also human, and he couldn’t deny the way his heart was racing. Phil moved so that his shoulder was touching Dan’s, and sparks flew through Dan from the point of contact to the rest of his body. He huffed out a breath in frustration and cleared his throat.

“Um, I’m going to get some ribena. Do you want some?” he asked Phil.

“Yes, please,” Phil smiled.

Dan picked up his phone from the end table next to him and escaped to the kitchen. He poured their glasses of ribena and leaned against the counter, picking up his phone. He opened up a text to Dodie, and quickly typed out his frustrations.

Dan Howell  
21:09  
phil keeps getting really close to me and i think i’m having a heart attack what is he even trying to do help sos

Dodie Clark  
21:09  
He’s trying to flirt with you, you idiot.

Dan frowned.

Dan Howell  
21:10  
no he’s not, phil doesn’t like me like that trust me

Dodie Clark  
21:10  
Whatever you say ;)

Dan rolled his eyes and stuffed his phone into his pocket, figuring he had already spent a suspicious amount of time getting their drinks. He made his way back into the lounge with their drinks in hand, and settled back into his familiar sofa crease a good two inches away from Phil. Phil thankfully stayed on his own side of the couch long enough for Dan to relax and hope it was just a weird figment of his imagination. That false hope only allowed Dan to be distracted thoroughly enough not to notice when Phil gingerly placed his arm on the sofa behind Dan’s head. He did, however, notice when Phil dropped his hand to start running his fingers through the strands of hair on the nape of Dan’s neck. Dan practically jumped out of his skin.

“Sorry,” Phil hurriedly apologised, removing his hand. 

Dan cleared his throat and said, “No, it’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting, um, your hand to be there is all.”

Phil studied Dan carefully before asking, “Do you want me to stop?”

Dan paused then shook his head. It was fine for friends to play with each other’s hair, right? Dan just needed to man up and stop acting like a 12 year old with their first crush every time Phil touched him. 

“No, I don’t care. Just warn me next time,” he joked. “You know how I am with my neck.”

Phil hummed in agreement and brought his hand back up to Dan’s head, resuming his slow caress. Dan knew somewhere deep down he was supposed to be pretending this wasn’t affecting him, but he couldn’t have told you a single thing that happened on the screen for the past five minutes because his brain was just screaming at him. Matters only got worse when Phil stopped running his fingers through his hair and dropped his arm so that it was around Dan’s shoulders. Okay, this definitely wasn’t normal.

He risked a glance over at Phil to see if Phil was messing with him, but Phil stared straight ahead at the screen as if nothing was happening. Okay, fine, whatever. Dan could deal with this. He shifted a bit until he was comfortably leaning against Phil, and Phil tightened his arm around Dan. They stayed like that for awhile, and Dan spent the entire time trying to remember how to breathe. It was way too comfortable to be cuddled up with Phil on the sofa, and that was exactly the problem. It was comfortable, but it was a forbidden comfort. It was a door not meant to be opened. So, what exactly was Phil doing?

As if reading Dan’s mind, Phil looked away from the screen and turned his head so that he was facing Dan. Dan turned around in Phil’s arms and did the same. 

“I’ll be honest, I’m not really paying attention to this movie,” Phil admitted with a blush creeping up his cheeks.

“Me neither,” Dan agreed.

Their faces were mere inches apart, and Dan swore he could count the freckles on Phil’s nose from this close if he were to try. His gaze involuntarily shifted to Phil’s parted lips before flitting back to his eyes. They studied each other’s eyes for a few tense seconds before, just like that, Phil was kissing him. 

Dan’s mind went into shutdown mode. Error 404. Brain not found. He could only process Phil’s lips on his, and his only logical response was to kiss back. Phil’s hands found their way to Dan’s back, and Dan gripped Phil’s waist as he surged forward and nearly into his lap. Phil wrapped one arm around Dan’s waist and pulled him closer, and Dan complied, straddling Phil’s hips. Their lips moved in synchronisation, and Dan gasped as Phil brushed his tongue along his lower lip. Suddenly aware of his need for oxygen, he pulled back and opened his eyes to look at Phil. Phil’s eyes were still closed, and he breathed in before leaning forward to chase Dan’s lips again. Looking at the actual Phil Lester that he was kissing snapped Dan out of it though, and he placed his hands on Phil’s shoulders.

“Stop,” he said.

Phil stopped immediately and opened his eyes to look up at Dan.

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked. “Did you not want me to do that?”

“No,” Dan said, “I mean, yes,” he groaned. “Give me a second,” Dan sighed.

Phil nodded and leaned back against the sofa with his hands placed on Dan’s thighs that were situated on either side of him. He waited a few seconds before Dan asked, “What the fuck was that, Phil?”

Phil leaned forward and ran his hands up Dan’s sides, catching on the hem of his shirt. Dan’s breath hitched.

“I want you, Dan,” he said in a low, quiet voice, “tell me you don’t want this too.”

“I do,” Dan all but whimpered, melting under Phil’s touch. “But shouldn’t we talk about this first? I mean, it’s been so long and-”

Phil cut him off with a well-placed kiss on his neck, and Dan let out an embarrassing moan.

“We can talk,” Phil said, he kissed Dan’s neck again and Dan sighed before Phil continued, “tomorrow.”

“You make a compelling argument,” Dan agreed.

Phil stopped his attack on Dan’s neck and looked him in the eyes. With a slightly breathless voice, he asked, “Bedroom?”

Dan nodded quickly and climbed off his lap. He extended his hand to Phil, who linked their fingers together and followed him down the hallway. Every rational part of Dan’s brain was telling him now was the time to put on the brakes and act like an adult, but it was quickly silenced by Phil pushing him back onto the bed and climbing on top of him.

Phil made quick work of removing Dan’s shirt and complied when Dan tugged on the hem of his own. There wasn’t much argument after that as both boys removed their skinny jeans and then their boxers. Dan stared up at Phil, in awe of the beautiful man before him washed in darkness and the light from the streetlamp outside. He ran his hands over Phil’s broad shoulders and down his chest, settling on his hips. They were both older now, but Phil’s skin still felt the same under Dan’s hands. Phil leaned back down to connect their lips again, and it was all hands in hair and skin against skin after that. 

After they finished and were lying next to each other attempting to catch their breath, Dan looked over at Phil and smiled. Phil smiled back and opened his arms. Dan was never one to turn down a post-sex cuddle, so he placed his head on Phil’s chest and his arm around his bare waist. Phil wrapped both arms around him and pushed one leg between Dan’s, intertwining them and sighing happily.

“We should really talk about this, you know,” Dan mumbled against Phil’s chest.

“Tomorrow,” Phil promised. 

Dan wanted to argue, but his mind was already drifting off to sleep so he nodded.

“Okay,” he said.

The next morning, Dan woke up and stretched to find the other side of his bed empty. Something about that struck him as odd, but he couldn’t figure out why as his brain was still clawing its way out of a sleepy haze. It was only when he sat up and felt his sore muscles that he remembered the events that had transpired. He looked for his phone only to realise that he must have left it in the lounge the night before. He shrugged on some clothes and made his way down the hall, only to find Dodie making tea in the kitchen.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” she said.

Dan frowned as he looked around.

“This might sound weird, but have you seen Phil?” he asked.

Dodie picked up her cup and leaned back against the counter.

“Yeah, actually, he left about half an hour ago,” she said.

She took a sip and raised an eyebrow, a devilish glint in her eyes.

“Do you maybe have anything to say about that? Because he sure wouldn’t look me in the eye,” she asked.

“Hold that thought,” Dan said as he left the kitchen and went to the lounge in search of his phone.

Fortunately it hadn’t died overnight, as he clicked the home button and was greeted with a text from Phil.

Phil Lester 25 minutes ago  
I’m sorry.

He threw his phone against the sofa and yelled, “Fuck!”

Dodie immediately sat down her cup and rushed into the lounge, stopping a few feet away from a very distressed Dan.

“Is everything okay?” she asked.

“No,” Dan said as he brushed past her and down the hallway.

He came back in minutes fully dressed and shoving his wallet into his pocket. Dodie had sat down in her usual chair and was watching him carefully as he picked up his phone and opened it. He went to his recent calls and clicked Phil’s name. He waited in silence as the phone rang several times until Phil finally picked up.

“Hello,” Phil said.

“I don’t know what the fuck you think you’re playing at, Phil, but we need to talk. I’m coming over right now,” Dan replied.

“No, don’t!” Phil interjected.

Dan sighed and rubbed his eyes with his free hand.

“Why not?” He asked in an exhausted voice. “You said we’d talk, and now I want to talk.”

“I just need some time to think first,” Phil said.

“About what?” Dan asked shortly.

“About what I want,” Phil tried to explain.

“You seemed pretty clear about that last night, so what changed? Was I just an easy fuck to you?” Dan asked. 

He could feel the heat rising to his cheeks as anger began to rush through his body.

“Can we not do this right now?” Phil asked. “Just give me some time to process this, and-”

“You know what? No,” Dan interrupted. “Fuck you, Phil. I’m done playing games. If you still don’t know what you want, then I don’t want to see or hear from you again.”

Silence.

“Understood?” Dan asked.

“Okay,” Phil said.

Dan didn’t know what to do after that, so he just hung up.

He dropped his phone onto the sofa.

He could feel tears prickling at his eyes, but he couldn’t do this right now. He brought his hands up to his face and pushed them into fists against his eyes, willing the breakdown to hold off for a little bit before sighing and dropping them.

“Is there anything I can do?” Dodie asked softly. 

He looked up at her and shook his head. If he opened up to Dodie right now, he’d probably just fall apart. He already burdened her often enough with his problems.

“I’m gonna go for a walk,” he said.

“Okay,” she answered. 

He turned to leave before Dodie said, “Take your phone, please, in case you need anything.”

“It’s nearly dead,” he said.

Dodie jumped up and told him to wait as she disappeared down the hallway and re-emerged with something in her hand. She walked over to the couch and picked up his phone before walking about over and handing it to him.

“Here. Take my portable charger, so you can call me if you cool off and find yourself lost in Soho again,” she said with a small, reassuring smile.

“Thanks,” he mustered up a smile back.

He plugged the phone into the small device and slipped it into his pocket.

“Are you sure you should go out right now?” Dodie asked.

“Yeah, like you said, I just need to cool off,” Dan explained.

Dodie nodded and he turned to leave. He only made it halfway down the street before deciding being alone right now was definitely making things worse. So he pulled out his phone, thankful for Dodie’s foresight, and texted Louise.

Dan Howell  
11:45  
can i come over for a bit?

Louise Pentland  
11:46  
Of course. Is everything okay?

Dan Howell  
11:46  
no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise i've already written the next chapter and i won't make you suffer a whole week before i post it! everything had to blow up before i could fix it. i'm sorry!! 
> 
> you can find me on tumblr at softdanandphil if you want to yell at me :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been itching to write this chapter since the very beginning of this story!! there's not much left now in this fic but there's at least one more chapter after this. i hope you've enjoyed this wild ride as much as i have!

Dan arrived at Louise’s house and didn’t even give her time to ask what was wrong before he started to cry.

“Oh, Dan,” Louise sighed, and opened up her arms to embrace him.

He gratefully leaned over and sobbed into her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him and began rubbing soft circles on his back. Louise was that mom-friend who just always knew what you needed. She stood there and held him until he calmed down and stood up straight again.

“I’m sorry for crying on you,” he said with a little laugh.

“It’s okay,” she replied with a smile. “Have you eaten yet or do you want pancakes? I was just about to make some.”

“Pancakes would be great,” he said with a sniffle. 

“Alright, pancakes it is,” she said turning to walk into the kitchen.

He followed her and plopped down into a dining chair as she began to pull out the ingredients.

“Where’s Darcy?” he asked, noticing that they were alone in the house.

“She and her dad are out for the day visiting his parents,” Louise explained.

Dan nodded and stared out the window. Louise sorted out the ingredients in silence for a moment before turning around and noticing his vacant gaze.

“You wanna talk while I cook?” she asked.

Dan sighed. “Yeah, okay.”

“I’m guessing this has to do with Phil?” she prompted him.

“Yeah,” Dan laughed bitterly. “We slept together last night.”

Louise dropped the pan she was holding onto the hob with a loud clammer.

“What?!” she yelled.

“Yeah but don’t get too excited because I’m here, aren’t I?” Dan said.

“Okay, what happened then?” she asked. “Start from the beginning.”

He explained about the weird way Phil was acting while they watched the movie and Louise hummed along to show she was listening as she kept pushing the spatula against edges of the pancake batter.

“Anyways, I’ll spare you the details of the rest, but when I woke up this morning, he was gone. I had a text from him that just said he was sorry,” Dan said.

“Wow,” Louise said. “That’s harsh.”

“Yeah,” Dan agreed. “So I called him, because I wanted to go over to his place and talk about it, but he basically said he didn’t want to talk because he doesn’t know what he wants. So I told him I was done playing games and not to call me again.”

Louise flipped the first pancake over, and turned to face him.

“Well that’s certainly a lot to deal with before breakfast,” she said.

Dan laughed, “You’re telling me.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, it doesn’t sound very much like Phil to just hook up with someone and not care anything about it,” she said, “especially not the love of his life.”

“You don’t know Phil like I do,” Dan replied evenly. “He’s capable of more than you might think.”

“True, I don’t know him like you do,” Louise conceded, “but I’ve seen how he is around you even now. He loves you, Dan, just as much as you love him. I’d bet money on it.”

“So why the fuck did he run out then?” Dan asked, throwing his hands into the air and dropping them back down dramatically.

“Maybe he panicked?” Louise asked. “I don’t know. Maybe you should give him time to cool down and let him explain in his own time.”

“No,” Dan shook his head. “We’re too old for these games. I’ve spent the last two years living my life without him, and I don’t need to bring him back into it now if it’s just going to be drama and me waiting for him to figure out what he wants. Either he’s in or he’s not.”

Louise nodded her head as she finished up with the pancakes and sat a plate in front of him.

“I think that’s fair enough,” she agreed. “It’s up to you to decide if this is worth the drama or not. Either way, you have a lot of people who love you and you’ve made a really great life for yourself. I’m here for you no matter what.”

“Thanks,” Dan smiled gratefully. 

“Now let’s do less talking and more eating before these get cold,” Louise said.

As it was a rare warm (albeit cloudy) spring day, Dan ended up spending the afternoon at Louise’s helping her out in her garden and catching up on everything else that had been going on. There was a never-ending trail of gossip in the YouTube community at all times, and Louise was somehow always in the know. Dan stayed out of it for the most part, but getting all of the information from Louise later was a guilty pleasure of his. After she’d told him all about the latest drama from last weekend’s party while they sat at her patio table and worked on pulling the dead leaves out of her potted plants, Dan frowned when his phone began to vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw that it was an incoming call from PJ.

“Excuse me, but I need to take this,” Dan said to Louise.

“Yep, go ahead,” she smiled, going back to the plant she had begun repotting. 

Dan stood and walked away a few paces.

“Hey, Peej,” he answered.

“Dan, hey, is now a bad time?” PJ asked.

“No,” Dan said, “I’m just over at Louise’s. What’s up?”

“Well, it’s Phil,” PJ started.

“I don’t want to talk about him,” Dan interrupted.

“Wait, Dan, don’t hang up!” PJ rushed out.

Dan sighed. “What is it, Peej? Just say it so that I can tell you, again, that I don’t want to talk about him.”

“I’ve never seen him like this, Dan,” PJ said hurriedly. “Well, not since last time…”

“If Phil convinced you to call me and make me feel sorry for him so I’d talk to him, then it’s not going to work. I’m sorry you got dragged into this, Peej,” Dan said.

“No, Phil doesn’t know I called,” PJ explained. “In fact, he’d probably be pretty mad at me if he did.”

“Then why did you call?” Dan asked.

“Because I can’t stand to see you idiots hurt each other like this again,” PJ said. He went on, “Phil’s not very good at saying what he means, and you know that, Dan. He just needed to think for a minute before you guys talked it over.”

“Well, Phil needs to grow up and learn how to deal with situations like an adult then,” Dan said bitterly.

“You’re right, and that’s exactly what we argued about before he left yesterday,” PJ laughed.

Dan’s curiosity was piqued at that.

“It is?” he asked.

“Yeah,” PJ said. “He wouldn’t shut up all weekend about how he wanted you back but he didn’t know what to do, and I told him to stop whining and go do something about it.”

“Well, he certainly did something about it,” Dan snorted.

“Yeah and now he’s home alone probably crying while watching Buffy because he thinks he’s lost you forever this time,” PJ said sadly.

Dan paced across Louise’s back porch.

“I don’t think you’re lying to me, Peej, because you’re not that cruel,” Dan sighed, “but what the hell am I supposed to do about this? I wanted to talk, but Phil started pushing me away again. I’m too old for this drama.”

“Well, I think it’s up to you where you go from here,” PJ said. “But if I were you, I’d probably at least try to get everything out in the open before you call it quits.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” Dan said. “I owe it to myself at least to have that conversation, because otherwise I’m just going to lose sleep over it for the rest of my life.”

“That’s the spirit,” PJ responded.

Dan laughed.

“Thanks for calling, Peej. I’m gonna go talk to Phil now.”

“Good luck, mate,” PJ said.

“Thanks,” Dan said.

He hung up and walked back over to Louise.

“I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop,” she said, “but I heard you say you were going to go talk to Phil?”

Dan relayed the conversation to Louise, and she smiled in return.

“I think you’re making the right choice,” she said.

“I hope so,” Dan replied.

They walked back inside so Dan could collect his things, and Louise hugged him at the door.

“Good luck,” she said. 

“Thanks,” he said, squeezing her back.

“You’re welcome to come back here if it doesn’t go well, and we’ll have a sleepover and eat ice cream until you forget about it,” she told him.

He laughed. “I hope you’re serious, because that’s probably exactly what’s going to happen.”

“Always,” she smiled. “Now stop standing here talking, and go get that boy.”

An hour later, Dan found himself at Phil’s door. He probably should have called or texted first, but he didn’t trust that Phil would even answer. Instead, he rang the buzzer for Phil’s flat and waited. Predictably, there was no answer, so he rang again. He held it down a bit longer this time and released it again. He was greeted with silence for a few seconds before the speaker buzzed to life.

“Hello?” Phil asked.

Dan sighed. Here goes nothing.

“Phil, it’s me. Please let me up.”

He could hear Phil breathing for a moment as he held the phone, but then he hung up and the door clicked open in front of him. 

“Thank god,” Dan muttered in relief.

He entered the foyer and walked upstairs until he reached Phil’s door and found Phil already waiting holding it open. Dan stopped outside the doorway.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

Phil hesitated, so Dan said, “Please?”

Phil stared at him a moment before stepping aside and motioning for him to come in. Dan brushed past him gratefully and stopped a few paces away, as Phil shut the door and turned to face him. Phil was wearing black jeans and his university hoodie that he only wore when he was sad or sick, the same one Dan used to steal all the time. Dan’s heart hurt a little at that.

“Why did you come over?” Phil asked. “I thought you never wanted to see me again.”

“Because PJ called me, and it sounds like we need to talk,” Dan explained.

Phil rolled his eyes and said, “I’m going to kill him.”

Dan said, “Don’t be mad at PJ. He’s just trying to help.”

Phil walked over to the table and took a seat, motioning for Dan to do the same.

“Okay, let’s talk then,” Phil said.

Dan took a seat across from him and stared at the plant in the center of the table for a moment, trying to figure out where to even start.

“I’m really pissed off at you, you know,” Dan said.

“I know,” Phil said. “You have every right to be.”

Dan leaned forward.

“What were you even thinking leaving like that, Phil? What was I supposed to think?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Phil said. “I know it was stupid of me, but I just wanted some time to figure out what I needed to say. Our situation isn’t exactly uncomplicated.”

“That’s an understatement,” Dan scoffed.

Phil looked up at him and met his eyes. He exhaled.

“I want to try to figure it out though,” Phil said, “if you still do.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” Dan asked.

“Okay,” Phil said, “well, where do you want to start?”

“Why did you ask me to leave after we filmed the other day?” Dan asked.

“I felt weird about how awkward things got between us during filming and didn’t want to deal with it,” Phil admitted. “That’s the short answer.”

“I wish you would have just said that instead of sending me home to get drunk with Dodie and wallow in my sorrows,” Dan laughed.

“Me too,” Phil said.

There was still so much to talk about, but Dan supposed today’s events were the biggest elephant in the room.

So he asked, “What were you going to say after you had time to think about it today?”

“That I want to try us again,” Phil answered with a sad smile.

Dan gulped, and a hopeful feeling sprang to life in his chest. He kind of suspected that based on the events of the last 24 hours, but it was another thing to hear Phil say it. He still kind of couldn’t believe it.

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want that too,” Dan admitted, “but everything back in Manchester still happened. How do we know we won’t fall apart again the second things get tough?”

“I guess we don’t,” Phil said. 

Dan sighed and ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back off his forehead. He leaned over the table again and laced his hands in front of him. He looked up at Phil and said, “Okay, well, let’s talk about what happened back then. There’s no going forward until we figure out how not to let that happen again.”

“I agree,” Phil said, “so you can start. Tell me what happened on your end after we broke up. I guess I never really knew what was going through your mind, and that’s been eating at me for the last two years.”

“I was tired,” Dan said. “There was so much happening with my school and my family and our online fame, and we were just fighting all the time. After you left that night, I was a wreck, but I was mostly just really tired.”

“Yeah, I felt that way too,” Phil admitted. “Being mad at you all the time was exhausting, and I felt like I was walking on eggshells towards the end because you were so upset all the time.”

“I took a lot out on you,” Dan agreed. “I’m sorry about that. I never should have made you feel that way.”

“It’s okay,” Phil said with a small smile. “I forgave you for all that anyways because I knew it wasn’t really me you were mad at.”

“Still sorry,” Dan said.

“And you’re forgiven,” Phil replied.

Dan smiled and reached forward with one hand to hold one of Phil’s.

“Okay, so what about after you left?” he asked. “What was going on then?”

“I went to my parent’s house and cried on their sofa for a week,” Phil admitted.

“Yeah, I skipped all of my classes for the week and cried too,” Dan said.

“I didn’t think I could go back to living with you again because it would have hurt too much. So, my parents helped me find a new place in Manchester, and I moved out and tried to figure out how to be without you,” Phil said simply.

Dan looked down at their joined hands. He was smoothing his thumb over Phil’s in a gesture that was practically ingrained in him at this point. He used to fidget with Phil’s hands a lot when he was nervous because it calmed him down, and he had a secret suspicion that Phil liked it too. It still had the same effect even after all this time. 

“I never wanted the break up to be permanent, you know?” Dan asked. “I always thought we were going to take a break then come back together.”

“I did too,” Phil said.

“Then we were apart for so long that it stopped hurting so much, and when the BBC offered me that job…” Dan trailed off.

“Yeah, I didn’t blame you for that,” Phil said. “You would have been dumb to turn it down. I really was happy for you.”

“The only thing I don’t get,” Dan said, “is that last conversation we had before I left. You told me you didn’t love me anymore, Phil.”

Their hands stilled between them.

“Yeah,” Phil said. He looked down at the table. “There was that.”

Dan stared at him, trying to unravel the puzzle that was Phil Lester as if he could see what Phil was thinking if he only stared hard enough. His efforts proved fruitless though. 

“That nearly killed me,” he admitted. 

Phil looked up at him with wide eyes, clearly not expecting Dan to say that.

“I mean, the being without you was bad enough,” Dan continued, “but to hear that you didn’t love me anymore when I was still head over heels for you was terrible.”

“I’m sorry,” Phil said.

Dan looked Phil in the eyes, finally allowing himself the feel the weight of those emotions he had shoved aside long ago. 

He said, “Phil, I would have stayed if you’d told me you still wanted me. If there had even been a chance…”

“I know you would have,” Phil said. “That’s why I lied.”

Dan’s eyes widened in surprise, and Phil laughed humourlessly.

“You seriously think I ever stopped loving you?” he asked. “I knew if you thought we could work it out, you’d never go to London and follow your dreams. So I told you I didn’t love you anymore so that you’d leave.”

Dan felt like he’d had the wind knocked out of him. He pulled his hand out of Phil’s and leaned back in his chair.

“That wasn’t really your decision to make, Phil,” he said cooly.

“Yeah, trust me, I’ve told myself that every day since then,” Phil said, “but I thought I was being some sort of selfless martyr at the time. If I could do it again, I’d tell you I was still so in love with you I could barely stand it.”

Dan remained silent, letting Phil’s words sink in. Dan had been so willing to give everything up for Phil back then, and this new information cast a new light over the whole situation. It all started to make a bit more sense.

“Then again,” Phil said, “if you would have stayed, we probably would have just imploded again and then you would have turned down a life-changing opportunity for nothing.”

Dan tapped his fingers on the table. He really wanted to be furious at Phil for taking the choice away from him back then, but he could also understand that Phil had a point. They were so broken that there was no way it would have ended well, had Dan stayed in Manchester. They just weren’t equipped to deal with their problems at the time, regardless of whether the love was still there or not.

“I was going to tell you that I was ready to try again that day in the coffee shop,” Phil admitted, “until you told me about the BBC. Then I knew it would just be selfish for me to ask you to stay.”

Dan laughed. “And I thought you had moved on with someone else already and that’s why you didn’t ask me to stay. The universe is a cruel motherfucker.”

“Yeah, it is.” Phil agreed.

“You could have come to London with me,” Dan said.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about that at 4am since then,” Phil told him.

“We were so young and stupid,” Dan said. 

“I think that sums it up pretty well.”

They sat in silence for a moment before Dan looked up at Phil, and Phil looked up at him.

“If we try this again,” Dan said cautiously, “we have to be open with each other. All the time. About everything. No hidden motives and no making decisions for each other without talking about it first.”

“Absolutely,” Phil agreed.

“And no running off when things get weird or scary,” Dan said. “We deal with things together, every single time, before they get way out of hand.”

“I promise,” said Phil.

Dan smiled and held out his hand. Phil took it and squeezed it tight.

“Do you really think we have a shot?” Dan asked.

“I hope so,” Phil said, “because I don’t think I can walk away from you again, Dan Howell.”

“And what about the fans?” Dan asked. “How are we going to go about this online?”

“I think we should take it slow,” Phil said. “I don’t want to hide like last time until it drives us crazy and we take it out on each other, but let’s just keep it to ourselves for now until we’re sure this is going to work. We can just start making more videos together and stuff to get them used to the idea of us being together again and go from there. How does that sound?”

“Okay, sounds fair enough,” Dan agreed.

“So,” Phil said, “is there anything else we should talk about or can I kiss you now?”

Dan grinned, happiness radiating through him in a way he had long forgotten was possible. 

“Less talking and more kissing sounds nice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find me on tumblr at softdanandphil! :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> look. i'm sorry hahaha but this is it!! the last chapter of the fic that seemed to never end!!! thank you all so much for reading what was essentially my baby and the first chaptered fic i ever wrote for the phandom. it's been a long process, but i'm glad to have finished it. hope you enjoy!

“Fuck!” 

Dan swore, hopping less than gracefully on one foot before falling back onto his bed and groaning. He glared at the stack of books scattered across the floor in front of him and rubbed his foot that was already beginning to bruise from their impact. Packing, to say the least, was not going smoothly.

Dodie poked her head around the corner and asked, “Are you alright?”

He looked in her direction and gestured at the mess in front of him.

“Does it look like I’m alright?” he asked.

She laughed and stepped inside his room, surveying the piles of various things and boxes that filled the space.

“Well, it looks like you’re at least halfway done?” she tried.

Dan scoffed.

“Well, that’s putting it optimistically.”

He stood up, gathered the pile of books once again, and placed them in their dedicated box. He had done nothing for the last two days but organise all of his possessions, label boxes, and repeat. 

“I told you not to put this off,” Dodie chided.

It was true. She had told him to start packing several weeks ago. Dan had always favoured the last minute as the best time to do anything, though, and he’d insisted it would be fine. He was still sure it was going to be fine, but he just probably wasn’t going to sleep for the next 24 hours. The moving van was coming in the morning to collect his things.

“Is Phil still dropping by to help?” Dodie asked.

“Yeah, he’ll be here,” Dan picked up his phone to check the time, “any minute now, actually.”

“Thank god it’s him and not me,” Dodie laughed, turning to leave and go back to her own bedroom.

Dan huffed as he sat back down on his bed. He figured the promise of backup and also breakfast soon was enough of a reason to take a break. He leaned back against his bed frame and looked around the room he’d called home for the last three years. This room had seen it all from sleepless nights of pacing the floor, creative breakthroughs, late night chats with Dodie, missing Phil, and eventually falling back in love with Phil. Now he was leaving it behind for a new bedroom that he would share with Phil in their new apartment.

The decision to move in together had been a pretty easy one. They spent the remainder of 2014 learning how to be them again and ultimately falling even more in love than they had been before, if that was possible. It hadn’t always been easy, of course, but they handled most disagreements gracefully. By the end of the year, Dan had already practically moved into Phil’s flat. It only made sense for them to take the next step and find a place to make their own.

Dan’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. He turned to see Phil smiling at him from the doorway.

“I’m here with coffee and pastries!” Phil said.

Dan felt a rush of warmth go through him at the sight of his boyfriend. The early hour combined with his thoughts of nostalgia and excitement for the future made him feel even more fond than usual as he watched Phil’s tongue poke through his teeth while he grinned.

He rose from his spot on the bed and made his way over to Phil. He placed his hands on Phil’s waist and pulled him in close for a sweet kiss. Phil tasted of coffee, which would explain his chipper mood, and Dan felt him smile against his lips. Phil pulled back just enough to rest his forehead against Dan’s.

“You’re in a good mood this morning,” Phil said, his lips still brushing Dan’s.

“No he’s not!” Dodie shouted from her room, “You should have seen him before you got here!”

Dan took a step back from Phil and rolled his eyes while Phil laughed.

“Oi, no one asked you!” he called down the hall, earning him a laugh from his flatmate.

Phil linked his fingers through Dan’s, getting his attention again, and led him down the hall where the promise of Starbucks for breakfast was waiting for them. 

The rest of the day did go much more smoothly with Phil’s help. They managed to get all of Dan’s possessions into somewhat organised boxes with only one or two disagreements about their chosen packing methods. Dan stood by his opinion that it was incredibly important for his clothes to remain organised by shades of black even in the suitcase, whereas Phil would have just haphazardly tossed them in.  
  
-  
  
The next morning found Dan standing in the doorway of his empty room. It felt so weird to see the space so vacant, all traces of the life he’d lived there swept away and in a truck on the way to his new home. He couldn’t help but feel a little sad. He heard Dodie’s footsteps approach and then felt her small frame as she wrapped him in a hug from behind him. A small grin stretched across his face as she buried her face in his t-shirt.

“I’m gonna miss you,” she mumbled, voice muted from the fabric.

He turned around so that he could wrap his arms around her in a proper hug and said, “It’s not like I’m moving to America or something. I’ll just be like 20 minutes away.”

He knew what she meant though. They had been each other’s lifeline in this strange and new city and it would be different not having her right down the hall when he needed a chat and a cup of tea.

“Too far,” Dodie said, “you and Phil should just move in here.”

Dan laughed.

“Do I need to remind you of the time when you walked in while we were--”

Dodie broke away from their hug and shook her head, “No. Nope. No reminder needed. You’re absolutely right; you and Phil definitely need your own place.”

They both laughed at that. Dodie had refused to speak to him or Phil for a solid 24 hours after that incident. 

“Just remember you’re always welcome at mine and Phil’s place, and I will happily kick him out so we can have a sleepover and gossip all night any time,” Dan told her.

“I’m gonna hold you to that,” Dodie said, smiling.

He wrapped an arm around Dodie and pulled her back against his side, sighing as they stared into his former bedroom one more time. It was an ending, but it was a happy one.  
  
-  
  
Later that night, Dan and Phil were stretched out across their new bed, sweaty and absolutely exhausted. 

“If we were going to be this worn out, I wish we were at least naked,” Dan said.

Phil burst into laughter and kicked Dan’s shin, which was the only part of him he could reach with minimal effort.

“Tomorrow,” Phil replied, “I’m too exhausted from carrying all your stuff up.”

“Oi, it’s not my fault we picked the flat without a lift,” Dan said, “I argued that it was a crucial requirement.”

He felt Phil roll over to face him, so he did the same and met Phil’s grinning face.

“You love this flat,” Phil said.

“Yeah, I do,” Dan agreed.

It had floor to ceiling windows in the lounge and a balcony off the dining room, which were two of Phil’s requests, and the wooden floors and monochrome aesthetic of the flat fit Dan’s specifications. It truly was like it had been designed for them.

“Still too many stairs,” he said stubbornly.

Phil poked his tummy and said, “Exercise is good for you.”

Dan raised an eyebrow, “Are you trying to sleep on the couch tonight, Lester?”

Phil responded by hitching his left leg up and over Dan’s and wrapping his arms around Dan’s waist, attaching himself to Dan’s body like a human octopus.

“Nope,” he replied, face snuggled into the space between Dan’s neck and shoulder.

“Good,” Dan responded as he wrapped his arms around Phil, “because I kind of like cuddling you.”

“I kind of like you cuddling me too,” Phil said.

Dan laughed, “God, we’re so gross.”

Phil pressed his lips to the side of Dan’s neck and hummed in agreement.

“Wanna be gross with you for the rest of my life though,” he said.

Those words would have probably scared Dan a few years ago, but he felt no fear in their promise now. He turned his head to press a kiss into Phil’s hair.

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find me on tumblr at danflirting :)


End file.
